3. The Book of Dawn

The Book of Dawn


  • ::Untitled entry::

    Finally had some time for each other, Lorie and I. It would seem that everytime we met since she had returned, a problem arose, or third persons dragged us elsewhere, with mostly depressive topics to discuss, or deal with.

    While all of that is well my duty, my sister deserves some of my time, too. And even if I was a bit tired after a long day, I am glad I could finally share a decent amount of it with her.

    I think we were both very mushy, but that's fine. I love when emotions blossom to my skin and mere words can make my very senses tremble. And when I can feel the same is happening to the person that is next to me. Specially if that person is to me the most precious being on the face of Toril.

    Talked about what anyone would imagine two soulbound sisters that haven't had chance to be with each other for a couple of months would talk. Scolded each other for putting ourselves in danger, then admitted that due to our natures, it's always going to keep being like that, so perhaps we should resign to the idea that we'll keep stepping into harm's way, but that we'll keep together as often as we can, so we can protect each other. She promised me she's never ever again going on a long trip alone, and I promised her that if she does, she'll have me along, no matter what.

    Of all the things we talked, she told me a couple of extremelly beautiful things that reached deep inside me, that sent that gentle pinch into my chest, in a place that I can't point out but if I had to put a name, I'd undoubtely call it my soul. Said that I inspire her, and that thanks to me she's even accepting her "borrowed" body as her own. It makes me happy to hear that she accepts herself. I sure accept and love her as she is, so should she. I also returned her sincerity with my own. How since we became so close, everything I do seems better, how I stopped being an outsider and undead slaying automaton to become a loving woman, how I can forget sorrow and ignore pain as long as my little sister will be there for me, so I'll keep finding energies in aiding my Lord's cause to fight whatever threatens the freedom and joy of humankind and its allies.

    In the end, what I couldn't fight was my tiredness, and slowly fell asleep cuddling her on the cushions. My soul rests at peace today, and I feel ready to try to be better than I am in all aspects. I've noticed I've been a bit irritated lately. Snappy, even rasp. I didn't even feel like writing in this journal, because of lack of stimuli to do so. And because I camped in front of Jiyyd to both fight demons, and shelter those I love and respect from my changing mood.

    Like Vash't, who little by little is crawling into my heart with mere tenderness, patience and understanding. I do not know what he sees in me. I think I am far from the woman that anyone would want. Stubborn, obstinate, with a knack for getting extremelly dangerous, undesired attention, and a woman of faith while at it. Yet he brings out the vulnerable girl that needs the loving embrace of a man to feel safe. In fairness, that is what I am: just a human woman, with the needs of a human woman, in all aspects. He is probably just one of the few who actually stopped to see through all the barriers I raise around me. I know the reasons for I do this. Lathander knows, too. Now, Vash't does as well, and he is fine with it, or so he says. I can't help but feeling guilty about seeing him piercing through everything and reaching out for my heart. I know if he keeps up we'll suffer. He'd willingly suffer for much less than me, he said. I know I would suffer for much less than him, too. And perhaps now I am too tired to keep running from that pain. Perhaps it's the time to face it. Otherwise, I risk never achieving Joy.

    And speaking of joy, I know I'll feel it when I see Fadia and Jerrick coming out of the forests. I've almost resigned myself to think they're druids, and I should just accept that from time to time they'll just turn into animals and run into the forest to be one with the wilderness. It just seems a little unfair that all who love them are denied of their presence. But I am not one to complain about that, when my own faith and duty raises so many barriers between me and those that love me.

    In any case, I hope they both return soon, this loving priestess longs for the day they'll be between her arms again.

    I love you all, my friends, my family. Never go away from me.


  • ::Untitled entry::

    She's back!


  • Sisters

    How curious it is that one same word can mean a lot of diferent things, even when you keep saying it constantly. One of those words, is indeed "sister", or its counterpart, "brother". Sometimes I wonder if I am not cheapening its meaning by throwing it left and right, but I find myself unable to find a more fitting word. And yet everytime I say it, it has an important weight inbuilt, not just something I say lightly.

    For example, I call sister, or brother, to anyone that follows Lathander. Being Lathanderite binds that person to myself in a vague sense of family. While that person may or may not get along with myself, there is a "higher motive" that makes them stand out for me. This would be people like ~Locrian~, ~C'tan~, ~Dawn~ and to an extent, ~Troff~.

    One notch higher is my real sister. I loved her, like I could love no one else at one point. Can't lie oneself - blood ties are what they are. Sometimes a blessing, sometimes a burden. However, ~Careena~ had been the most important piece in my life until her demise. I miss her direly, and so I pray to Lathander that her soul is not suffering in afterlife.

    An even higher "meaning" of the word is delivered to members of the Order of the Divine Shield where I serve. I know I would blindly give my life defending that of the other members. They have my trust, both the battlefield and outside, along with my utmost dedication to their causes and their worries. An unquestionable sense of trust that lies in knowing that their reasons to take any action will be always righteous and fair. Amongst those those I call brothers or sisters within the Order I count notable individuals like ~Sir Mariston~, ~Sir Shannon~, ~Sir Roland~, ~Lady Elena~, ~Eluriel~…

    And finally, the highest sense of the word. I say highest, because I trust these people even when common sense sometimes may advice not to. Because instead of the security and safety offered by the members of my Order, I am offered a leap of Faith that I am willing to take every time. A sweet, loving leap of Faith. It's this irrational sense of being close to someone for reasons unknown, when you have just "connected" into someone else's life stream, this pure feeling that brightens my soul with the mere sight of those I am proud to call my sisters under these circumstances. This is undoubtely a spot reserved in my heart for ~Lorie~, but also for ~Fadia~ and ~Jerrick~.

    Sadly, as some earn their status of sisters and brothers in my eyes, others that might have earned it, fall in the way side. Some actions can be forgiven, but not forgotten. It is good that I've always been wary about certain someones so that I don't suffer parting with them once some of their true identities are revealed. May Lathander ever let me see through deception, and to never allow bias to cloud my judgement.

    That said, I'd likely defend any of them, from any of the groups, with my own life. I suposse I'd do so even for any innocent that I stumbled upon along my difficult path. This path I thread more and more carefully as I grow.

    I've been pondering lately a few things. My principles, my reasons, my motivations. I slowly see myself drifting towards more radical ways of dealing with evil threats. Where in the past I'd offer a Yuan-ti a chance to parley and reach a peace agreement, now I see that peace is reached once all the yuan-ti are killed and burned.

    This worries me more than I want to think about. Perhaps I'm hanging too much with the paladins, reading and following their codes? Perhaps I gave up on hope for a world of ultimate peace, where inherently evil races are redeemed and can live in harmony with the rest.

    Perhaps I'm being allowed to live too long for my own good. While elves do live very long as well, they are prepared since the time they exist as race and through countless generations. I am merely a young girl trapped in an eternal body. I lack the gift of patience, living in a haste every day, wanting things done yesterday better than today. This strikes as very paradoxical to me, but in a sense, I'm still just a young human girl.

    In other news, and also speaking about sisters, Lorie has left this morning for Cormanthyr. For first time ever, I managed to sleep last night next to her while she kept in her half-elf self. That is impressive progress considering some things. However, as I mentioned in other entries, she is a special case even amongst all special cases. She really is my one, loving little sister.

    I gave her my Holy Symbol of Lathander so it keeps her safe. She asked if I'm not going to miss it. I avoided her question by saying that the only thing I know is that if it keeps her safe, I want her to have it. I can not lie to her, I know that I am going to miss it. That Holy Symbol is the last possession I'd part with in life. But I suposse I'm grasping at straws, hoping that it will keep her from harm when her safety is out of my reach. That some higher power will make sure that the necklace is returned to its rightful owner, somehow. The idea of anything happening to her while I can't intervene terrorizes me. Probably she should have waited until we fixed her problems, but as my sister I understand how she feels and I offered her my honest support.

    I pray today to Lathander to grant her uneventful, safe travels. And to Selune, to protect her precious daughter. May the Sun and the Moon keep you ever from harm, lil sis. At least as long as I can't do it myself.

    Post Script: I trimmed my hair quite a bit. I think it's the first time in my life I actually take chunk off. I have to admit, it was getting in the way a lot during combat, and more than one damnable creature had already used it to get a grip on me and distract me, or get an upper hand. It feels quite more confortable now.


  • Inner Fears

    Yesterday I was gifted with one of the most beautiful images in my life. When I returned home, I found Tawny and Sparkly on top of my bed. The best of all is that they were cuddling together, Tawny almost seemed to be protectively guarding the little pixie against exterior threats, and the little brat was actually resting on Tawny's fur, hugging one of her paws. I could have melted at the simple sight of it, so much that I decided to walk out and not disturb them at all.

    Lately I've felt extremelly sensitive, even considering how sensitive I already am normally. Some of this is not as good as it may sound. For example, sometimes I wonder if the brand that the drow left in me, will be fully erased one day. And sadly, I don't see that day coming. Some memories are as fresh as if they had just happened. Sometimes I dream of it, and it's so very real that I can't tell if it's really a dream.

    I need to be cured of this, because it's haunting me, and making it really hard for me. I can't trust myself to even sleep with anyone, neither lover or friend, afraid of my own subconscious triggering and hurting them. I have already hurt someone who is so dear to me as ~Fadia~, when a few days ago she took me to the Druid Glenn and I agreed to let her help me with a shock therapy, but before we went any deep my subconscious took over me, the image of drow torturing and possessing me filled my mind, and I panicked, leaving my dear friend senseless as I ran uncontrollably into the forests to sob under a tree.

    I can't let this happen, not with the people I love. I recently confessed to ~Lorie~ that of all the nights I kept her company to sleep with her like the sisters we are, I've actually never managed to catch my sleep, and just watched over her while she slept. I am afraid of waking up in the middle of the night and finding her hugging me and somehow my own mind identifying this as a threat to my freedom, and reacting abruptly, like it did with Fadia and a couple of my lovers in the past. Somehow with Lorie is diferent, though. My own mind identifies her as my little sister, someone that needs my protection, and I've never had any episodes remotely close as those with her. Even then, only managed to catch my sleep the times she agreed to sleep as a kitty, since fortunately I don't have a trauma with felines.

    Lorie and Fadia have both been very supportive, and said they'd help me try to overcome my fears, my phobia to drow and irrational reaction to anything that my subconscious identifies as loss of freedom, or being dominated by anyone. Some of the consequences of having being a drow slave for one whole year, and having dreaded every second of it.

    On brighter news, ~Jerrick~ is back, finally. He seems… changed, somehow. Perhaps he's just tired because of the journey, but I am glad in any case. He has a notch taken off one ear, and when I offered him to fix it he said he wanted to keep it. Also... he's been a bit distant to me, but I'll indulge him, as I'm sure he's had a rough time. I'll keep loving him all the same and giving him all my support.

    It was quite convenient that just as he returned, while we walked into the Den to have a talk and a drink, Izakiel, the mad mage, appeared demanding some answers. I am told that earlier he had turned me into a balor and I had been fighting a red dragon and then a war machine. That story is one I definitely don't want to think excessively about, but this time he began to spawn some creepers and strange creatures before vanishing. It was rather challenging to get rid of some of them, specially when I didn't even have my armor on. Whatever that crazy mage is up to, it can be no good.

    Other than these personal episodes with a lot of varied emotions, lately a few things have been going on. I finally managed to find ~Lycka~ and we had a decent talk about the vampires, and their goals. It was insightful for me, as she has lived the story closely from the beginning, even before the vampires arrived to Narfell, and she even was in the group that found the Lathanderite necklace for the first time. I find myself enjoying her company as she is a very friendly, open minded and knowledgeable woman with an extremelly unique gift for art and history. As a lover of art and in general, beautiful things, I can't but feel humbled by some so-called bards, and Lycka is definitely one of them. We agreed to have another talk soon, to the finish story-telling we decided to split to not overdo ourselves. Though I have the feeling she could keep talking for hours without really minding it.

    I'm sure Lycka would find worth telling the small tale about ~Raryldor~ angering whatever fiend he angered, and opening a portal to Hell just in front of Norwick. That elf worries me overly lately. Specially since I feel he is not "evil" per se, but his actions are doubtious, to say the least. Before anyone could notice, Fiendish bovines began to rush out like an stampede, and we were engaged into a fight with them. They were really hard to hit and they did hit back harshly. After a bit, Raryldor himself jumped into the portal recklessly, and while I do not really like him, I wasn't going to let him get killed alone in Hell either, so I followed. Then some others came behind, some of which didn't dare to take a step before heading out again, making use of their common sense.

    I admit that once inside I wished to know the source of the grave roaring that came from the depths of the fragment of hell in which we were, but instead we all stepped out after clearing out the most immediately threatening hell bovines, and returned outside so that I could seal the portal. A combination Greater Dispell to null the magical energies, Banishment to repel the outsider traces, and Sunbeam to cleanse and hallow the grounds, shut down the fissure and made sure that it wouldn't be open again anytime soon.

    And since I am speaking of Raryldor, I'll need to find him. His ruthlessness has gone too far as to attack Fadia and others inside the walls of Norwick. I do not wish to confront him with force, but it will be so if he doesn't leave me other choice. He needs to realize that he's being toyed with and his own spite is consuming what remains of his sanity. I was told he fled into the Norwick crypts and there I went, clearing all the way to the underdark as an extra service to the Morninglord, but I could not find him. I hope that when I do, he can listen to reason. Else one of us could come to harm, and that does not benefit any of the good parties. I'll pray to Lathander tonight, so that the best possible outcome is reached in this situation.

    Post Script: ~Z~ has finished my Silver Sword which I plan to use as base for an enchantment. It is beautiful. I was pretty sleepy when he brought it to me, but Jerrick tested it himself and said the balance is perfect, and the blade is suitable to receive any enchantments I can imbue into it. Z had the detail of making a golden hilt for it, probably knowing how I love that colour, so I'll take advantage of it to ornate it with Lathanderite motives. I am still deciding how I want the blade to be imbued exactly, but once I reach a decission I'll get to work on it.


  • Dawnbringing

    The world is a wonderful place. At least, I live to make sure it's so. The price to pay is that sometimes for me, it can't be that wonderful. Does that matter, I ask myself. Of course it doesn't. I take on this duty of mine as a pleasure, a gift. I do not feel burdened, I do not understand what I do as a sacrifice, nor I think of myself as a martyr.

    In life, we have our roles. Mine is branded into my soul, and I am pleased. I've been asked often where do I take pleasure from, in being a Dawnbringer. The answer is easy. When Lathander's touch brings a smile to the face of a wounded traveller, I take pleasure. When a friend of mine tells me that she loves me because of what I am, I take pleasure. When a peasant woman can look into her child's eyes one more day, because the village wasn't overrun by undead, I take pleasure.

    And that pleasure, is undescribable, and it's all around. It goes over and yonder the limitations of our simple, mortal language. It allows me to move mountains, to dig the land with my bare teeth and to jump into the Abyss with only my Faith as a weapon.

    The only thing I'm afraid of, is not being good enough at what I do. I know it, I seek perfection. Not the perfection of being flawless in all the aspects of life, love and war. I seek only perfection in achieving the greatest reward, the optimal result to every situation. I am hard to satisfy, but I am also hard to let down, so one balances the other.

    Why this small reflexion, then? Because I keep coming across situations in which "we win" but we don't quite reach the "perfect win". It really tears me to no be able to bring forth the best result for everyone, sometimes not even for those I love most. Of course, optimism reigns over me, and fortunately those that are closest, like ~Lorie~ and ~Fadia~ have such ease to turn around my worst day, and put a silly smile on my face.

    It's precisely people like them that I've come across some great threats, and while I'm aware that neither them or I are nearly the strongest fighters out there, somehow, when together, it feels like we'd overcome anything.

    There have been a couple of recent examples, like when a few days ago after a rather entertaining Fight Night, Sir Shannon had been leading a Helmite High Watcher to the Temple of Helm in Jiyyd, to study our request on reopening it to be of service to the Order in the retaking of the land for the free races. I offered my services of course, which Sir Shannon made use of in asking me to escort the Helmites and clear the path for them.

    This is normally a trivial task, considering the gifts that the Morninglord grants me against these foul beasts, but in effect, this day wasn't going to be trivial in any way. A Glabrezu stood in the way, and only Lorie, ~Benji~, and I were there to get past it. Common sense would have adviced to withdraw and attempt the investigation at other time. Dawnbringer sense demanded for the foul beast to be banished from its existence in the material plane.

    Charged with the word of Lathander while Lorie and Benji supported my attack. The first assault lasted only a few minutes. We endured a lot of pain from the creature, its hide hard as adamantium, and its spells and attacks harsh and incredibly efficient. At one point, Benji was running around for his life with a summoned succubus after him and Lorie laid on the ground, unconscious, as an Evard's Tentacle spell was crushing her into the afterlife. Fortunately, Lathander allowed me to hold her soul from a last thin thread of life, and bring her back with us, to regroup and reconsider our strategy.

    After reporting the situation to Sir Shannon, he graned us some of Torm's blessings and we took determination on returning for a second assault. The Glabrezu had been wounded just slightly on the first assault as we had spent most of our resources into surviving his offense, but now with his offensive spells exhausted, we could take a more aggressive approach. The strategy was simple - I'd try to endure what physical pain the Glabrezu would inflict and attempt to retaliate while Benji pierced at its defenses. On the charge, my Lathanderite command forced the demon's succubus ally to flee and a fierce combat was engaged against the bigger beast alone.

    The massive claws of the demon kept crushing against my Mirrorshield, and sometimes getting past it. I truly exhausted every little bit of Divine power I had in me, but eventually, when I was out of breath and my defenses were being breached by the enraged beast's attacks, a final, accurate bolt of Benji hit it between the eyes, and the hulking monster dropped on its knees, and then into the ground.

    Had I been asked if such an unlikely group like us three could rival a Glabrezu, my answer would have been negative. Specially as I lack the martial proficency and physical build to hold close quarters on such formidable enemy. But when the beast was presented in front of us - there was only one possible outcome, the one that was reached.

    I was a bit disappointed to find that the Temple of Helm couldn't have been unsealed anyway, as the High Watcher considered that it wasn't the time for it. He is the Helmite, so he knows better, and we all respected his judgement as we intended to return, and a Hezrou wanted to make things even more difficult for us. Fortunately, this type I know very well already, enough to make the fight end before it even started by commanding them to submit to Lathander's will. It did fire off a couple of spells, but most of the time it struggled to get as far as possible from my holy symbol, and eventually we brought it down with projectiles.

    I think the most possitive balance I could bring from that expedition, is that I finally had a chance to apologize formally to Sir Shannon. He had denied me such chance in the past, and I couldn't blame him for it. This time he listened, and he did accept my honest words. I feel extremelly relieved, but even then, I shall back my words with actions, for words are words alone, and I feel that deep in his heart, he may still be either hurt or disappointed for what happened back then.

    On other news, after reporting to the Order how inefficient was my warhammer against the demonic hides of the Glabrezu and Hezrou, ~Sir Mariston~ adviced me to become proficent in the training of bladed weapons. While I generally despise such weapons, as the magical ones can sometimes severe the victim's soul, I reckon there isn't much soul to worry about in a demon, so I acquired a well crafted Greatsword to undergo martial training.

    What best place to train it, than in Jiyyd itself? I wanted to try it against demon hides, so after demons I went. Fadia insisted in tagging along, too, so I brought her. Truth be told, we didn't find many demons, but when we were turning around a hill we found Quintin, and two huge undead minotaur bodyguards.

    He began to babble again in riddles, and I tire of him, so I was quite fair and straight to him. Since he was the one putting Lillia's wards down a few days ago, which probably saved my life, I gave him that much quarter. Offered him the chance to flee this one time with the promise of erasing him from the world on next encounter. However, his minions weren't offered such chance, and I proceeded to destroy them in front of him.

    Even though he played as dirty as he could, and healed them, summoning also additional minions, none of his tricks could withstand the might of the Morninglord. It struck me that he seemed surprised. Dear Lord Lathander, how blind are our enemies to Your gift, that they may need proof of it before realizing what they are facing. It didn't end well in any case, as Quintin acted against my advice and attacked Fadia with a Word of Faith. The retaliation was implacable.

    I do not know if I should take with humour or indignation the fact that he understimated Lathander and I, but after but a few moments that coward excuse for a necromancer barely managed to drag himself away with what was remaining of his pathetic life after using a Haste spell. Next time there won't be debts of honour, and I will make sure there is no possible retreat either.

    It is worrysome that he is closing to the Black Leaved Tree location too, so he will be dealt with sooner than later. Related to all that, is Lillia, which was just sitting in Norwick when we returned, taking a sunbath. It irritates me that such being is able to enjoy my Lord's gifts, but there, in the middle of Norwick, an open assault wasn't a clever idea. Moreso when I returned diseased and exhausted from Quintin's encounter, and Lillia is no small foe.

    Instead we stablished conversation with her, Fadia and I. She told us her story, which I found kind of moving, if it was true at all. She also provided very valious information on the motives and whereabouts of the three vampire elders she sired and are threatening Narfell now. Lidérc, who is the most immediate threat and should be found around Mintas, Danag Stix, who is apparently a bloodthirsting murderer, and last but not least, Quintin's master, whose name I can't write down in this book without risking it burning whole because of it. The mere mention of that name gave me a wicked vision, so I foresee communicating it to ohers won't be an easy task.

    All in all, I also offered Lillia chance to surrender herself to Lathander, and perhaps he'd be merciful to her, and her soul would rest in peace for eternity. She declined, as I feared, and as such, she will too have to face the Morninglord's Light the hard way, when the day comes. First things first, however. Lidérc and Quintin are immediate threats to whole Narfell and they must be stopped immediately.

    For the rest… I've been going out of the way now and then to help others, or just to share time with them. Even some ogre and orc hunting, with ~Ronan~, ~Vash't~ and others. I do try to sorround myself with as many friends as possible, to make up for other needs I have and I can't fullfill.

    If I was to analyze this entry as a whole and reduce it into a single parraph, I'd say that above my own needs, my duties are what they are, and I am proud of them. I shall keep destroying those that threaten the safety and wellbeing of the innocent. I shall keep banishing demons and devils from our plane, no matter where they hide. I shall keep hunting down undead aberrations into the core of the world itself. And I shall keep trying to spread my love, as I allow myself to feel loved by those dear to me.

    In short, I shall always keep Dawnbringing. Not because I have to, but because I want to.


  • ::Untittled entry::

    ~Jerrcik~ is still not back, and I begin to worry. I think that it is as consequence of that, that ~Lorie~ doesn't get out that much. I think she is more worried than she likes to admit, but that is natural. I'm with her, so she'll be alright.

    I do go out quite often still. For example, not a few days ago I went to help Eluriel with this Firthram elf as he wanted help clearing some mines filled with spiders. We were quite a few people there, so the task didn't seem like it would be very hard, but we found quite a few hurdles along the way.

    Firstly, spiders and ettercaps appearaed in great amounts, but soon after we started being attacked by magic eaters. These little beasts are more sturdy than they'd seem, and if not dealt with quickly they could become quite a problem. Eventually we reached the mines without spending excessive resources, and adventured inside.

    As we went deeper we noticed that the cave had magical disturbances. While the top level seemed to be subject to Wild Magic, the bottom level seemed to be affected by Null Magic instead. That made quite challenging to fence off some of the threats, but we did find the bottom of the cave. The deeper we got, the more and more driders that began to attack us as well.

    And at the end of everything, a bebilith demon. I was surprised by the presence of such in there, of all things. Alright, it does look like a spider, but bebiliths are known for sticking to the Abyss and hardly ever leaving it, so it had been definitely summoned. Also, bebiliths feed from tana'ri, mostly, while this one seemed more like a guardian dog, forced to block the way to something.

    Exhausted as we were and devoid of magical enhancements as well as denied of the use of magic, the bebilith would be a formidable foe that we could not defeat, so we decided to head back to discuss a way to approach the creature, while having a proper meal and rest after a whole day in the mines.

    The elves and Ronan worked together with Firthram to disable the null magic fields of the cave, at least temporary. amd they seemed to succeed. Since we didn't know how long it'd last, we hurried back to engage the bebilith. Now with our magical enhancements up, and with our magical arsenal at our disposal, we were in much better position. In fact, it was all over almost before it began. I remember we hit ~Kenton~ with every defensive spell we could so he could taunt the demonic beast into facing him, but I don't think it was able to lash our a full attack before all kinds of projectiles, both physical and magical, had it helpless and banished.

    I pressed forward taking advantage of some of my most powerful short-duration prayers topped with Ronan's Haste spell, just to find the very bottom of the tunnel was filled with all kind of driders and spiders. I lashed out full bow attack while the rest soon joined and no trace of the drider corruption remained in place. I think it was Ronan once again that managed to get rid of the Drider summoning circle as our scouts found a sarcophagus and a locked chest.

    Upon examination, the sarcophagus seemed to belong to a noble dwarf that in the past had forged an alliance with the elves. As peculiar as that sounded, I felt hopeful that such alliances existed between races that typically hold such animosity for each other.

    We made sure that the resting place of this dwarf wasn't disturbed and told Firthram to investigate upon it on our way back. After all, our mission was complete. I was glad to have helped in such, as the alliances between races is a crucial step to achieve peace and to overcome greater threats.

    The rest of my days since that have been mostly quiet. Spent quite a lot of time around ~Fadia~. She's told me again that she likes me as more than a friend, and it hurts me still that I can't get myself to give her more than a deep, heart-felt friendship. She understands, she says. She's happy with my love as a friend, she says too. I know she suffers when she sees me with ~C'tan~, ~Vash't~ or other of my male friends, because she also knows she can't compete in that aspect.

    I've promised to her that she is much more important to me than any men. It is true, I feel a deep respect for her and her feelings, plus she really is supportive and it has been more than once now that she has given me a hug or a kiss when I really needed it. Spent some time in the bath house too, where I revealed her my most secretive and intimate fears. She keeps sticking to me, even though she knows there is no chance we will get physical together, and she keeps being supportive and caring, listening to me and just sharing her time. That proves to me that her friendship is true and pure, not based off any terrenal desire. I treasure it, and fills my heart with Joy. She has also suffered a great deal with the loss of her love, Oreth, and I sympathyze a lot with her. She is too becoming a sister which I'd undoubtely die for. I will give her as much as I possibly can. She deserves it.

    Starting off by helping her with a problem that seems to have returned recently. Apparently an old hero of the Jiyyd war called Solais Aran created a stone that contained his essence, and that stone has been shattered in 4 pieces that are spred over Narfell. Some people were marked and created some kind of bond with him, and those now feel called upon to help him. I have to admit that I feel a bit out of place, because I hadn't received such mark and I don't know if my presence would make or break something, but I'll offer full support to Fadia on the matter. My services as Dawnbringer will be at hers and Ronan's disposal, who is also involved.

    I started this entry talking of Jerrick, and so it will end. wherever you are, my friend, return sound and safe. Please don't make me have to go and drag you back. Time goes by quite slowly without you around, and this uncertainty. I'll pray to Lathander tonight so that He keeps you safe. Please don't make us worry.


  • Chosen

    My Faith has never faltered, and Lathander knows that. Perhaps that is why I once met His Avatar, and He told me that I had been Chosen. He knows His reasons, I only know that I've always done what my heart has told me.

    When I think about it, as per my Church's standards, I am not such an ideal follower of the Morninglord. I don't preach that much, I am not very disciplined and adult-mannered in public and I am quite more tolerant than what most codes would care to explain.

    But to me, bringing Lathander's Light to the world has always come naturally. I just do what my heart tells me is right, nothing else. I do not make sacrifices that I am aware of being a sacrifice. If I may have done sacrifices, I didn't see them as such, but as something natural that anyone in my position would have done. I am just me, Rith. It is exhilarating to feel that even then, He is pleased with my actions even when I only do what I feel right, without following a book or an instruction manual.

    Today has been possibly the day where I've felt most graced by the Morninglord in the last 50 years. Since early in the morning, when ~Fadia~ knocked the Den's door to discuss some matters, I've felt His tangible presence, and I mean for real. I can always feel Lathander's presence, but today I could caress it.

    It wasn't long before ~Clandra~, my old bard friend, appeared in front of my eyes. I had been wishing to meet her, but I was told she was sadly gone. Sometimes she had been spotted appearing near the Peltarch Theater. But suddenly she was at the "Fuzzy Den", all the way down into the Rawlins? I have said many times that I do not believe in coincidences. And so I am not going to start now.

    After a nice talk, I noticed that the presence was even more tangible, when flowers and grass started to grow even inside the Den cave where we were. What is more, the place filled with a scent of spring, lovely and beautiful scent.

    Lastly, I was gifted a lioness cub. My weakness for felines is now no secret to anybody, but this came just after I had been considering to ask ~Jerrick~ or ~Lorie~ to help me befriend a feline from the Rawlins to make me company. The timing, the way it happened. My heart was shining with Joy.

    The day advanced, and I met Lorie and ~Brendel~, who decided to sit down to tell the whole story of what happened in Cormanthyr. Later joined ~Ronan~ and ~Soliel~ But just as Brendel was done, ~Thorn~ appeared nearby and began to feel weird. When I arrived to check, he had vanished into thin air, only leaving behind a hair that Tojan could find, which I used to perform a Divination. Alas, the malign forces involved were very strong, and the price I had to pay was losing temporary my sight.

    I admit I panicked for a moment. Too many memories of the time I spent slaved with the drow, and the ten years after that I spent blind. However, After a while I began to see lights and blurs, so I was hopeful that I would recover my sight. Unfortunately, the target of the Divination showed the temple of Helm in Jiyyd, and even though the trip took quite a while and I recovered some of my sight, I wasn't really in any decent condition for combat. I limited myself to Turn the demons whenever my friends called out for it. I was told that ~Chasen~ joined us at some point too, though as I explained, I wasn't in condition to see much.

    Numerous demons attacked. Demonic warriors by the scores, aided by diferent kinds of horrors, and even incubi and succubi. After navigating through all of that, we reached the Temple of Helm, where Ronan informed us that he had spotted Thorn. The bad news - a balor was in custody of him. That's it, a Greater Demon of the deepest layers of the abyss, and in front of it, our small group, that would barely qualify as a scouting party.

    There wasn't much time to start faltering however, and just as I recovered a larger portion of my sight, just enough to distinguish shapes and colours, I noticed Ronan arming himself to attack the demon, and at least, provide a distraction. I attempted to put a blade barrier in the way of the demon, but it just stepped over it, letting itself impaled and taking the pain with a grunt as it charged to us. I saw then blurs, flashes, flame and shadow flickering in my hazy view. Ronan was unloading his arsenal on the demon, that kept resisting most of his spells, and then engaged it in melee with his wards up while everyone threw everything they could at it. I felt Ronan dealing a lot of hurt, but also taking it quickly as he had to retreat.

    Seeing that I could barely see who to heal and I was out of reach anyway, I attempted to taunt the beast with some beams of Searing Light. It worked. It worked too well - Ronan managed to drag himself to safety while now the beast charged me. I couldn't see but a huge roaring and flaming blur charging me as I batted my warhammer blindly in the air.

    Then pain. Accute, raw pain. Felt the huge flame sword of the balor through my lungs, burning my entrails as it impaled me. Felt the emptiness and cold embrace of death as the demon pulled it out, leaving but a hole of the size of a fist in my chest. I fell to my knees, extended my arms and looked up at the demon. - "The Light will… find you..." were my last words as the beast raised its sword again to behead me just as as insult, for it knew I was already dead anyway.

    A distraction came from its back before it delivered that final blow - more spells hit it as Ronan had received some healing and began to unload the rest of his arsenal, which drew the beast's attention immediately. I fell, and noticed my soul being pulled away from my broken body. My heart stopped beating. My lungs, collapsed with my own blood, stopped breathing.

    My world ended, became blackness, empty, and still. Then, I saw a Light, too bright to determine its shape, but too warm and welcoming to stop looking at it as I heard the soothing, alluring masculine voice. - "Rith. Your courage is stunning. Your cause is just. Your life is precious. I shall not see you fall, my Chosen. Not today." - And as those words were spoken I felt how a gentle ethereal hand picked me up and tenderly put me back into my body. When I opened my eyes I saw everyone around me, shocked, wondering how the fatal wound in my chest a few moments ago was just... gone. My health condition was just pristine, except for my sight, that was still blurry.

    A few yards away, the balor laid immobile, its soul banished from our plane as the last battery of spells from Ronan had managed to finally take it down. Thorn was also happily alive and well so with a bit of help from Fadia and Lorie, I stood back up, and we all walked back to safety. The day was fully graced when from the cache of magical items that the balor was keeping, I was allowed to keep a pair of Tormite blessed gauntlets that seem to fit perfectly my needs for future dealings with powerful creatures of evil.

    I have no words. I am honestly overwhelmed and speechless. In my last entry I wished for You, my lord, to protect those that I love. You showed me that you would with your signals at the Den, but then You directly graced me with Your gentle rebirthing touch.

    And since I have no words to describe how I feel, I will just keep doing what I've done so far, that has earned me such great honours and favours. I will keep following my heart, loving my people, and aiding those in need until the day that I may gather with You, my Lord, in the Blessed Fields of Elysium.


  • Family affairs

    When one talks about family, she refers to a group of people that having blood ties, live under the same sentiment of Love. The definition implies that sometimes this Love is irrational, just based on pure trust, or on a magical unseen, intangible force, that can't be explained with other words than "because it is my family". It is that irrational, unexplainable Love the engine of a family, that keeps it together, and together they overcome any hurdles along the way.

    But what when there are no blood ties? What when a "family" is an even higher concept of irrational, unexplained Love towards people that you just "feel" you belong with. How do I explain this need I have to love and be loved by those that one day opened their heart to me, and earned mine so deeply and inconditionally?

    Yes, I have no doubts. It -is- a family. My family. Source of the strongest emotions I feel. Family is what makes me feel alive, what makes me have faith, what makes me trust beyond what can be seen or proven. It is also what breaks me, what makes me feel vulnerable and sometimes, helpless.

    Vulnerable because I do not fear anything in this life for myself, but I fear for my family. I can take a million lashes and endure them stoically, but watching my family take even a single lash would break me. Helpless because I understand that the members of my family sometimes take decissions that they feel right, and I must support them, but leave me in a position where I can not help beyond doing that, supporting.

    These are the feelings that come to me today. For one, because ~Jerrick~ has decided to part to Cormanthyr and try to help Feather with her problem. While the details are vague, appears that he has to kill some man, apparently Feather's father, to stop him from killing everyone close to his ex-fiancee, including herself. I understand his decission, his sense of honour and loyalty to a woman he once promised the world. I respect it too. Doesn't mean I am not afraid of what could happen. Of all the things that could happen. He should be back soon, Lathander willing. He went with my blessing and with my sincerest Love.

    And then, there is ~Lorie~. Her problems touch me directly, not only because she has become so dear to me, but also because we formed a bond and her suffering causes me suffering. She reminds me very much of the only blood sister I had, Careena, who met a tragic end after being possessed by the spirit of en evil sorceress. The fact that there is a possibility for Lorie to go through the same and that I don't know very well what can I do to help her other than by being close to her to soothe her, is consuming my thoughts. She reminds me every time to a fraction of an old poem I wrote, "Walking Through Life":

    @15ab339a2b:

    With no falter and no fears
    I paint colours in the sky
    and my crying doesn't hurt me
    so long you don't cry.

    And that is her. I have promised. Everything will be alright. I want to think so. I know so. But the feeling that I can't change much in the life of who matters so much to me, the uncertainty is hardly bearable. To make it even worse, I learned recently that she's had nightmares that involved me being lost to her. I can't become a source of pain to her, I refuse.

    I lay next to her now, as I write this. Her face seems so calm, so filled with peace right now. Meanwhile, I pray for her, as I can't catch my sleep while she's just here, for fear of having her suffer one of her nightmares, that she might, or might not awake from.

    Please Lathander, I beg You. Protect my familiy. Yes, we share no blood ties. Yes, one is a lycanthrope and the other is a lone wolf. But I Love them with my very soul. What else than Love is to be weighed when considering a person part of your family? Grant them Your blessing, for if they suffer, it will tear me appart.


  • ::Untittled entry::

    What a day. Where to start.

    I think I'll start with the global problems, and leave the more personal ones for the end.

    All started with a friendly reunion with ~Fadia~, ~Ronan~ and ~Vash't~ where we decided we'd go out and smite some evil. I fetched ~Jerick~ to join us, as we had agreed previously we'd go together somewhere.

    After some pondering, we decided to go to the ogre lands, near Peltarch. We weren't very far in when we found ogre zombies fighting the hill giants. We didn't have much wondering to do, as Quintin revealed himself pretty early. His intentions? We didn't know at that moment, but as we progressed through the a cave, we found that Lillia, the vampiress, was hiding inside. Not before navigating through ogre-infested tunnels however, which were also mined with strong fire traps.

    When we reached Lillia she began to babble, but knowing what she is, we charged. I spent quite a few of my blessed Lathanderite arrows, just to find out that she was immune to sunlight and all kinds of magical light thanks to a Lathanderite amulet that she had stolen and was wearing. I couldn't be more infuriated at this point, specially when afte the clash, the vampiress fled and we were too worn out to afford following her. Personally, her fire aura was burning me to little pieces, and I was about to collapse. I saw then Quintin coming in, and I don't remember much because it was blurry and I had trouble to even keep my eyelids up. I was told later that Rhayla had sent Quintin on the tracks of Lillia precisely to get this Lathanderite amulet from her.

    I didn't find much logic on the plan of siding with a "lesser evil", if that was really the case, but later on, back to safety, I had the chance to talk with this Rhayla. She updated me on the information about Quintin, and a vampire coven from Waterdeep that had been nigh exterminated, but the three elder vampires managed to escape and were shipped to Peltarch. She told me that two of them have been smuggled out, and one of them , Lindérc, might be lurking in Norwick's crypts.

    This came as grave news to me. Firstly, the presence of vampire elders worried me, and it is my sacred duty to see them destroyed. Also, the fact that this other player, Lillia, had a Lathanderite artifact disturbs me overly. I must try my best to recover it.

    I decided to put a group together to search the Norwick crypts immediately allowing anyone that volunteered to join, but after clearing it whole from undead, we could find nothing. I will return another time. Hopefully, with a less numerous group that can listen to orders, and can quit wanting to leave the place promptly after they spot any tangible danger.

    That was it for my duties as Dawnbringer. As for my duties as friend, and as sister - it appears that something ~Brendel~ told to Jerrick after the expedition annoyed him like I had never seen before. It appears that this Brendel is courting Jerrick's ex-lover, Feather, and what is more, he seems to have contact with her at current.

    This made Jerrick feel completely outraged and betrayed before scampering off desolated and angry. Very angry. This time I wasn't going to let him go to drown his sorrows on his own, and after grabbing ~Lorie~, managed to catch up with him. I think I understand why Feather would have contacted Brendel instead of Jerrick. I also know that if she had contacted Jerrick to ask for help, he would have been in a very dire situation in which he'd have to choose to help his old fiancee, or take care of his current one. I tried to explain him that whatever Feather did, for whatever reason she did it, he'd need to understand it, and rely on those that are here, now, to care for him. I saw him break in a moment, when I spurred Lorie to go and offer him some consolation, while I pulled Fadia away with me to give the couple some private time.

    Only Lorie could make Jerrick feel better, plus I didn't want Jerrick feel his pride hurt because of his closest friends were watching him cry. A long while after Jerrick came back to Norwick gates and said that he felt a little bit better, and that he didn't and wasn't going to do anything stupid. That was enough for me to hear, and I kissed his cheek goodbye and sent him back to the arms of the woman that he really needs to be with - my dear sister Lorelai. I pray for Jerrick tonight, so that he may find strength to overcome this test. He knows that Lorie or me will not give up on him, ever. And probably neither of his other friends. May Lathander grant him the peace he seeks.


  • ::Untittled Entry::

    What a day. The beginning of it was quite exciting. Jerrick and I went in our particular adventurous tour. This time, the destination switched to Bugbears. Have to admit that some of them are tough, but nothing that can stop the strong duo that we make. Who would say, that a druid and a priest without that much of a martial training on our backs could break so implacably through so many strong creatures. But that we did, and cleared two full areas of those murdering berserking bugbears, including their dangerous casters and the dangerous Battle Ragers.

    We retrieved as much of their armaments as we could, which meant Jerrick had to switch to dire tiger form to carry it all. I of course climbed on top of him and got a ride. Can't let those chances go. I should probably take hm out more often and overload ourselves as excuse to getting a ride back. Oh yes, that's a plan.

    Truth be told, later on I asked Jerrick for advice about a situation that ocupies my thoughts. I think I'm a bit hypersensitive on the topic, and when I asked him for his honest advice, he was responding something in the lines of "do what you want". It is true as well that I did not let him finish. I just told him to stop saying what he was saying because he was going to hurt me. I guess it is because I asked for his opinion because I trust very much in it, not so he could tell me to do what I want, which kind of sounds like he doesn't really care.

    I left him there, without opportunity to finish or explain himself, just thinking about my own feelings, which was really selfish of me. For a few hours Jerrick and I avoided each other, but the situation was hardly bearable to me. After a gnoll attack that occured at the north gates of Norwick, I called his name, and this time it was him who didn't want to hear more, and walked off.

    I was breaking inside, because I felt I had caused this missunderstanding, and because Jerrick is too important to me, to let it all break due to such silly unimportant thing. I thought then of a way that I could ammend it and express my honest apology. And so I went to Peltarch and back as quick as I could.

    Back to Norwick I looked for ~Lorie~ to help me set up what I had in mind and tell me what she thought of it, but I couldn't find her at the Den, neither at Jerrick's, so I decided to just go ahead with it. With around 30 Forget-Me-Nots that I had bought in Peltarch, I spred the petals over the grass in front of Jerrick's home in the shape of a giant heart. In the middle, with more petals, I spelled "IM SORRY". And then I walked back to the gates, hoping he'd be willing to come along for a talk.

    When I approached, both Lorie and him came to me before I had the chance to ask. They wanted to speak with me, but I think Lorie didn't expect Jerrick's initiative, so she let him go with me, alone. We walked back to his home, and just as he saw what I had prepared for him, told him. "Sometimes I ask too much of you. It is just because I trust you, Jerrick, that your opinion matters so much to me. Why it hurt me that you said that I do what I want. Still, I was selfish to only think about myself. I am sorry, Jerrick. Please accept my apologies."

    His response was that for him the topic was sensitive too, and that of course he accepted my apologies, that we should be above such silly tantrums, because we love each other. I agreed - "Jerrick I'm in many ways your lil sis. You'll have to take care of me, and sometimes you'll have to give me a slap so I behave. It is what big brothers do." - He then hugged me and smiled.

    We gathered all the petals and flowers back to give them as present to Lorie, ~Fadia~ and ~Soliel~. Even Val got some, when she was just standing by. At that point we all got in playful mood and started playing hair tricks with water. I have to say, we all looked amazing, or so it seems by the face of the male observers in the area. Then everything broke loose. We started playing with "friendly" spells such as Charm, Daze and Hold Person, giving each other a hard time with tickles and general merriness. I think at some point we stopped ~Thorn~ from doing whatever urgency he had at hand and involved him in our silly games.

    Lorie became a panther again, so she earned some petting, scratching and hugging, but then Jerrick became a tiger and started keeping me off her, specially when I mentioned that I would kidnap her. He's so not fun! We had a great time I think. In the end I held the other four - ~Vash't~, Fadia, Soliel and Val, and walked off with a giggle while Jerrick and Lorie strode off in their animal forms to have other kinds of fun, I suspect.

    Before actually leaving, I took my bow out and watched that some sneaky goblins didn't try anything on my held friends, and once I saw them getting free and looking at each other confused, I finally left to get some sleep.

    Days like this make me feel a bit silly. Like, it's not only that my body doesn't age, and it's not only that my mind doesn't either. But somehow, every passing day I feel younger inside. I feel full of life and at the same time more sensitive and uninhibited. I do not complain, albeit my attitude can strike as improper to others at times, it is no bother to me that they do not know what is to have fun, just for the sake of it. May Lathander grant me the opportunity to keep being this joyful, so that I can bring Joy to the hearts of others.


  • Love and Emotion

    That's it, I'm quitting drinking in parties. I should know better than to let myself blind drunk and seems like Jerrick can't keep me from being a fool either. I don't blame him. I don't blame me, either, to some extent. Lately we just go from celebration to celebration, free booze and global cheeriness in the atmosphere. Only the last couple of days we've had Aramuil's party and the Harvest Festival.

    And things just happen. I just awoke in an inn room, cuddling into ~Fadia~ in one bed, and the other bed had some ropes and straps attached to it, which apparently had been cut. I immediate started looking for tattooes or wedding rings in me, because I remembered nothing from the night before. However, when I walked out I found Vash't, and he told me that nothing really happened, at least not on the regrettable side. Apparently I started being silly and passed out before anything could really happen. I seem to have been hugging and kissing everyone that I came across, but well, hugs and kisses are the least of my worries after I woke up like I did.

    On serious matters, I've been carrying out investigations in Jiyyd. I'm travelling there as often as I can, normally alone, to gather sample and run tests. Jerrick came with me last time, however. We cleared the area of demonic presence and thought we'd explore the old Silver Valley location, now infested with trolls. Those trolls can hit hard, but with the proper preparation we seemed to manage to clear one whole area of them. Managed might have been an overstatement, though, when Jerrick was felled after being flanked by them and after doing my best to distract the trolls I managed to pull him back to life in his last heartbeat. Damn that was hectic. I'm glad he didn't come to serious harm for my own sanity. Lately I seem to have all the people I care about dying around me. ~Fadia~ and ~Vash't~ being very recent cases.

    Fadia and Vash't, what do I do about them, really. Should I say that Jerrick has been trying to set me up on Vash't ever since he introduced him to me. He knows I feel a little bit lonely sometimes and I guess it's true and it's not like I'm hiding it anyway. Thing is three times I've been pitted with Vash't already, with Jerick's seal on it. First, the other night when I was drunk and Vash't refused to "take advantage of me". Second, after our Jiyyd expedition when we went to the bath house to relax a bit, and suddenly Vash't appeared there. It explained why Jerrick had given excessive care to a street dog before we entered the bath house - probably he was just using to send a message.

    Third is charm they say, and after Aramuil's party I somehow ended up talking with Vash't alone. After a couple of mutual apologies we went somewhere quieter. He gave me a really beautiful bundle of flowers - Jerrick's idea, no doubt - and… well, that was just too much for me. All I can say is that he took me in a ride through the blessed fields of Elysium. One filled with beautiful and vibrant colours.

    It was wonderful to feel embraced afterwards, like nothing else mattered because I was safe and nothing could harm me. However, the feeling was ephimeral, as we soon left to deal with other affairs. Back in the public, the usual were there, along with one girl that seems to draw attention by throwing muffins at people.

    Fadia was there too, who wanted to talk in private with me. She has me confused, somehow. I don't know exactly what goes through her mind, but she seemed jealous to see me return with Vash't and a pleased smile in our faces. I think she likes Vash't, but she also teases me often in more than one way. She likes clinging on me, which I, to be fair, do not dislike at all, but still has me at a loss as to what are her real feelings and who does she have those feelings for.

    If she feels for me, I am flattered. She is a very pretty elf, and that a simple, humble human like me attracts her in any aspect is something that raises my spirits. In the other hand, I prefer the loving embrace of a man in my bed and I've told her that. I'm afraid that if I was to sleep with an elf woman I would have to take a diferent role that I don't even know if I would enjoy. Which hurts me because I don't find fair that I reject her after she's shown nothing but love and care to me. ~Ronan~ keeps leaving puns about how Fadia and I will end in a same bed, too. I am at a loss in this situation in which I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but neither I want to be main gossip topic of Norwick.

    All in all, I'll just be myself. Whatever happens, so be it. I only fear waking up one day and not seeing the Sunlight. The rest can be solved in one or other way.

    Addendum

    Forgot to mention that I've spoke to Jerrick about Dwin's request to sit and talk with him to try to reach an agreement. Jerrick refuses flat out to it, he says Dwin has had enough chances, and has committed enough crimes. Jerrick thinks that Dwin is the cancer to root out, and he assures that the Circle has no problems at all with Norwick, only with Dwin. That if Dwin wants to redeem himself, if he really wants to prove that he cares, then he should just resign as Chancellor.

    While I wish there was a way for dialog and communication to solve this problem, I see Jerrick's point of view. Dwin perhaps has made one too many mistakes, and he does act like a tyrant in ocassion. I'll hope for the best in any case, so that whatever happens, the tension is solved without bloodshed.

    Foot Note

    I'm kidnapping ~Lorie~ one of these days if she keeps turning into a kitty and climbing on my lap just to be extremelly cute with purrs, nuzzles, yawns and whatnot. I wonder if I could ask Jerrick to help me befriend a kitty from the Rawlins to keep my company. Perhaps I will call on Shallyah's company more often, though I hate to disturb her.


  • ::Untittled Entry::

    Whoever thought the land was safe after the defeat of the Dracolich couldnt be more mistaken. Things that are in my agenda currently:

    @080ab38570:

    1. Jiyyd - Investigate the demon invasion and try to fix it.
    2. The Burning Man - Who is he? What does he want? Ultimately preserve natural balance of the forests.
    3. Skara's Cave - Investigate leads pointing the smuggling of certain substances that would turn goblins into copies of known warriors and adventurers with ill ends.
    4. Bugbears - Prevent them from moving in by cleansing and taking the Elven Camp if necessary.

    And that is only mentioning global threats and avoiding my own personal problems. Speaking of point 3, a few of us went to have a look. I admit I had no idea what to expect other than "Gauths and maybe one Beholder or two". I didn't like the sound of that, to be fair, but we had a rather balanced group with ~Aelthas~, ~Ronan~, ~Fadia~, ~Sol~ and couple others. We dealt with the first few enemies rather… easily. The beholders seemed so fragile, that hardly posed a threat.

    That is until one of them spotted Fadia and I through an open door and launched full-out ray attack. It was all really quick, about 3 seconds later I was down on my knees grasping for air to breathe, and Fadia had one of the rays right through her heart, and now laid on the ground, immobile. Suddenly, about 3 or 4 more of those beasts began to enter the room in succession and we had a few intense seconds, knowing that any second another of those lethal beams could kill any of us. All except one of the creatures were defeated with no further casualties. That last one waited in ambush by the door. After sending a huge earth elemental and a dire tiger to get it, and seeing them die within one second, we didn't know how to get past, but Ronan managed to snipe it out, almost getting killed himself in the process.

    It was then when we discovered that Aelthas had been petrified. So we had to drag back the body of Fadia and the stone block that Aelthas was, and hope to be able to recover them both. We did. We brought them both back, though I feel so terribly sorry for Fadia. She stood in the way of that ray that would have killed me. I can't help but feeling really awful, and this time with a reason.

    We took Fadia to the Druid Glen where we just all relaxed and had a talk about the current situation, and what would be the focus of our efforts. Jiyyd and Skara's cave popped up again as some immediate threats that will need investigation. Eventually ~Lorie~ joined us, but soon after we were sent into some errand to get red pepper drops for the Druids. Also, we found that Fizsqee had escaped just before his execution. All for the better, I'd say, since Sqee would probably not be very willing to keep aiding us if his son was publically executed.

    Back delivering the peppers to the druid elder, we were told that some allies had fallen to the bugbears, near the entrance to the warrens. So we went ahead to rescue them. Our assault was implacable and the bugbears offered no resistance, so we managed to bring back the fallen, that were Danika and Dirk. I am performing too many rituals of Resurrection lately, and it worries me a lot. In the Dracolich times the death rate wasn't as high, not that I remember.

    In the end, everyone has been brought back, and all seem in healthy condition, so that's what matters. I decided to retire somewhere away from the crowds for the rest of the night. First Fadia and then Lorie joined me, and we had a talk about the recommendation for me to be a Circle Protector. As much as I am honoured, Lorie is right to arise one concern. Talos is part of the cult of the circle, and at the same time is a prime enemy of my Lord Lathander. I would have to be very sure that I am not allied with Talos, or condone any of his followers' actions. Tolerating Talos as a needed piece in Nature's balance? I could put up with that, I think. But that's as far as it would stretch. I will have to seek communion with Lathander on this topic.

    As for the rest of the night, Benji came up with us, so did Sol and another girl, all wanting Lorie's attention in turn. She is quite popular, for a girl that likes to not make much noise and just pass unnoticed. I think sometimes she's too kind for her own good, and incapable of hurting anyone's feelings, but that also makes her even more lovable in my eyes. The last bit of the night we spent talking with Benji, that apparently is preparing to ask ~Talyna~ for marriage. I was being a bit silly at this point, and regret I may have offended someone, but everyone seemed fine about it. In any case, I honestly offered Benji to host his wedding if Talyna would answer on the affirmative, which I'm pretty sure she would.

    Then it was time to scatter again to catch a good night's sleep. Each one in their homes, and Lathander in everyone's.


  • Let's Have a Talk

    "Let's have a talk" is one of the first things I heard when I came by the gates of Notwick. It was the Tempusan, ~Hammerhand~, one which I consider a valious ally. He had overheard me talking about the demons in Jyyid and how I'm planning to find a way to eradicate them based in my knowledge, and he wished to discuss.

    After he fluttered around his main point for a while, I gathered he has some weird sense of honour in that because the Legion was the one causing the rifts back in the day in their efforts to destroy the N'jast, it's the Legion who must fix it by theirselves. As much as I can be sympathetic with his argumentation, I told him that no amount of ego or sense of honour is going to stand in the way to eradicating those demons for good.

    I could say that I don't trust the Legion to fix it theirselves, which is the case. I could say that a handful of men with swords and kegs won't be enough to deal with planar threats, which is the case, too. But most importantly, it is my duty and my own responsibility to deal with planar threats. Both as Dawnbringer and as high ranked member of the Phoenix. It is what I do, and what I've spent a good part of my life learning to do. In addition, those concepts of honour that Hammerhand spoke about, are really out of hand. I will not see the land risked so that a few men can feel better about theirselves. It is a ridiculous concept. They are welcome to aid, of course, and join whatever plan is made as a whole. But exclusively handling the threat, or even leading the military command on it? No, thanks. This hurts me to write down - but you've had your chance, and now Jiyyd is a wasteland of death and chaos. I adviced him to just take one step back and join whatever plan is made. Plan made by those who actually know how to deal with it, by experience, and by intensive study. It is for the best.

    Hammerhand didn't seem to understand any of my words, as he broke the conversation and walked away saying that I know not of honour. I suposse I know not of honour, because I'm more busy learning about how to save lives, than how to save my own ego.

    I was still sighning at this conversation, when I heard another "Let's have a talk". This time it was ~Aelthas~, the lycanthrope that lives in the "Fuzzy Den" with ~Lorie~ and I. Truth be told, we hadn't had the chance to know each other yet, so I thought it would be a good idea to make his real acquaintaince, and forget a bit about the previous conversation with Hammerhand.

    Aelthas wished to know a bit more of me and took me to Lorie's room, to relax under the hot springs with a few drinks, so I let myself be carried away, letting out my own self in a friendly conversation. We talked about many things, about our pasts, about our glories and about our tragedies. I think he is a good man. Perhaps a bit stubborn, and a bit punished by the events in his life, which have definitely changed him. But unless I am very mistaken, his heart is in the right place. Plus Lorie trusts him, and that's all the proof I need to trust and respect him too. In the end we started being rather friendly, so I hope it is the beginning of another good friendship. I believe he has problems to open himself to others, and I won't pry. But I'll definitely want to see deeper inside him, if he gave me that opportunity.

    It was again that we were just done with our talking, and I heard a knock on the door. Went out to open and it was Fadia, the pretty purple-haired elf. Guess what? "Let's have a talk." Of course, I agreed. What she told me filled my heart with joy. Apparently, my actions and my respect for Nature, had earned me a recommendation in the Druid Circle to become a Protector. I was delighted to hear these news, it meant a lot to me. It is always that I feel loved and respected that my heart lights up with a warm fire that calms all ills. A bit after we also shared some stories, she told me of her time with Oreth, and some of her life adventures, and I returned the gesture. In the end, we switched to more light-mooded topics, and became quite friendly with each other. I like Fadia, she is a good woman I hadn't had the chance to know before either, or at least, not properly. Today was being a really a good day, save the initial strife with Hammerhand, I seemed to be making new friends, ones to love and feel loved by.

    It was then that this Jester appeared again by the South Gates, recruiting people for his "game". I again warned once the participants. It is their own choice, but it is fair to let them know what they risk. I was adressed a few times, but I will not see myself taking part in such madness. Already had my share of Jesters. At least this time, the Jester was allowing the players to sign up - in my case, back in the day, I wasn't granted such luxury.

    Lorie walked by a while after, and after talking with a newcomer that seemed to have lost his squad in the forests, we gathered up. Apparently Lorie earned the henchman services of this elf, so we showed him around town so he could know his way around. Back at the gates, Fadia dropped but Aelthas arrived… with unfortunate consequences. It would seem that the elf by the name of ~Raryldor~ and he had some built up animosity, and before anyone could notice, they were dueling to death. It was a disgusting show, I must add. Both spent an unhealthy amount of resources only not to let the other part win. Expensive potions, scrolls, reagents... and all for a nonsense duel of "honour". Fortunately, ~Ronan~ came by and put an end to it by holding them both. Else it would have ended with one of them in the morgue.

    At least the atmosphere became quite friendly after, when Lorie, Aelthas, and Ronan started showing off shapes they could turn into. I think they were just picking on me because they know I'd love to be able to turn into a feline, and I can't. Lorie said that I would make a beautiful lioness. I could almost imagine myself as one. It would be beautiful, indeed. One of the most funny moments was when Ronan turned into a zombie, and I Turned him. It was rather funny to see him flee into town out of his mind and we followed asking the guards not to shoot him down. Finally Aelthas and Ronan had to leave, so Lorie and I took this elf henchman for a tour through the forests, to show him which areas he should frequent for his initial steps. It was a rather complete tour, as we also showed him the Druid Glen and the Silver Valley.

    It was on our way back, when the day seemed to have been a good one, that everything broke down. The Dark Enchantress appeared by the gates of Norwick, her eyes fixated on Lorie. First thing she said "Hello my kitty". I grew furious and stood in the way, while Lorie growled from behind. "Perhaps I'll have use for my kitty once again" she said. I warned her to stay clear of Lorie, and the Dark Enchantress just laughed and eventually vanished where she came.

    I could see Lorie was frightened in a way, touching her neck where she once had a collar that ruined her life. I took her immediately to the inn so she could shelter and have a rest, and most importantly, so she could feel I, her dear sister, was there, and that she wouldn't be alone ever. Lorie has suffered enough.

    She keeps suffering, as I could see as I kept watch on the room while she slept. She began to shake and sweat, mumbling things I couldn't understand. I did my best to soothe her in her sleep with Clarity and Blessing prayers. Still, she had quite a rough night, and it was harsh for me to watch her like that and not being able to do anything. Eventually she woke up with a scream, shaking, and I quickly went to hold her in my arms. Her whole body was shivering as she hugged me strongly and cried on my shoulder. I kept her tight in my embrace, so she could feel me and calm down slowly, so she could know that she'll always have someone to hold on to.

    I can say today that the Dark Enchantress is not going to hurt Lorie much longer. If I must go to Hell and back to drag her into the light and purgue her from existence, so be it. I'll go any lengths to see my sister cured from her influence. This much I swear in presence of my Lord Lathander.


  • No Love for Sunny

    The days pass and I never get used to this awesome feeling of freedom. Of knowing that for once, I own my life, and I decide in which direction I'll walk. To be fair, I'm still expecting some kind of reprisal from the Church, but I think they will accept my decission to stay here. At least I want to hope so. In any case, I know Lathander has blessed and approved it, for I feel more radiant than ever. I expect this to be but the first step towards earning total freedom of both my body and my soul.

    In other news, ~Jerrick~ wanted to check out for the so called Burning Man in the Rawlins, so he formed up a group to sweep through the most dangerous areas. We ended up in the elven camp, fighting banshees and bugbears. They come in high numbers now, and our strategy wasn't very brilliant. We all rushed in and the banshees managed to stun us with their wailings, and in the confusion the bugbears charged us painfully.

    There was a terrible fight in which I could barely see anything. I saw Jerrick and ~Eluriel~ nearly dying a couple of times. I managed to heal Jerrick, but Eluriel just… vanished. Later I found she had used an invisibility potion. As we called for retreat, I put a Blade Barrier in the path so we wouldn't be followed.

    Just to find that ~Brendel~ had been snared, and couldn't get out in time, and now he was being punished by two bugbear casters. I had to jump through the Blade Barrier and the terrain which was filled with tentacles to get him back up as he bled to death, and help him out. For a moment I thought we had lost him, and even lost myself, but thank Lathander, we both made it out.

    Who didn't make it was ~Vash't~. I admit I didn't see him fall, I just saw his body misstreated and lifeless into the ground. We finished the remaining enemies in the area once we regrouped, and pulled Vash't out of there. Back in Norwick, I performed the most powerful ritual I could to get him back, as I couldn't help but feeling guilty of his fall. It's the least I could do. He was returned without scars, but the obvious confusion and perhaps a notch or two in his soul, of which I am sure he will recover.

    On the way back out, we decided to go have a drink to raise our spirits, and ~Fadia~, ~Lorie~, Jerrick, Vash't and I went to the Inn for it. As usual, alcohol and me are dangerous partners. I asked Jerrick at first, to not let me drink more than 3 bottes of wine. But I had already drunk 5 plus something called Yachev Bomb, and he was still offering me rum while Fadia gave me something else that tasted also quite funny. Drunk as I was, Fadia and I started getting very cuddly, so I dragged Jerrick away for a moment while I was still more or less conscious of my own actions, and asked him to pull me away from the pretty elf if I somehow ended up with her in an Inn room. Jerrick said that he wouldn't, because... I don't remember well to be fair, but it sounded like "you need to get laid anyway and elves have cute ears". Dear Lord, that perverted scoundrel. I swear I love him like my own brother but he can be so cheeky. The worst of all is that I think he really meant it.

    So I crawled back with Fadia and tried to relax and not drink anything else. At some point she had to leave, which in a way relieved me because I really didn't trust myself at that point. In the other hand, Vash't saw me now alone and grew bolder, so he came to snuggle me up. Oh, that was more like it. Cuddling into a handsome male human's arms and resting my head on his chest... I can tell I've missed this so much. I kept being offered drinks, which at this point made me really lose any sense of shame.

    I think it wasn't too long before Lorie and Jerrick decided they prefered to be lying instead of just sitting, and I saw myself hanging on this man's neck... and... what can I say, I guess I was jealous so I thought maybe he could do the same for me. He was a gentleman and took me upstairs in his arms, to the room next to where Jerrick and Lorie were. He asked me if I needed something, and I said I needed a big hug.

    Before I knew what was going on I was kissing his lips and pressing my body against his. But then... he stopped? I mean... he held my shoulders and said he couldn't do that with a woman he had just met and was so drunk! What under Lathander's shine is going on? Whatever happened to free love and enjoying one's youth. I tried my best to be understanding with what he was saying, though I can't say I wasn't disappointed.

    So that's it, I wake up today in this dirty inn's room, with an incredibly annoying hangover, an horrible mood, and the most important of all, as Sparkly would say herself: No Love for Sunny.


  • ::With her mission complete, Rith's Journal stops being a war chronicle, and stops tracking days, months and events. Her writings switch even more personal and passionate - and closer to what comes straight from her heart::

    A Place to Call Home

    This entry is nothing like I expected it to be. Perhaps because of the fact that I am filled with love and joy while writing it. Perhaps because of the fact that I am not exhausted both physically and mentally.

    But most importantly, because of the fact that I am writing it from the "Fuzzy Den". From home.

    Yes, I had left, with my heart broken and a duty to fulfill, but some things happened that make me unable to take one single step more away from these beings I love so firmly.

    The trip was being a nightmare by itself. Not only I was extremelly tired because of crossing the woods alone, always vigilant and full armed incase I was attacked, but also because I was out of my mind, consumed by remorse, because of leaving those that I had promised to help, and beyond promises, because they are the people I wanted to be with. My heart wanted to return, my head told me I had to continue.

    At one point I entered a "trance" as to not think of anything. Just blanked my mind and moved ahead, like a brainless creature under command, to avoid the inner conflict with myself at every step.

    And so I reached a small forest clearing where I decided to set up camp for the night. What was my surprise, that when I set my backpack down to rest on it and cook some dinner, I heard a tiny yelp coming from the bag. After a bit, that little brat of ~Tojan~ came out whining. Can you believe? I didn't know how to react, but she had such a sorry face because she claimed I had broken one of her wings.

    At the time I started feeling even more sorry than I was, and tried to help her while she said I should return with Dark Kitty. Her words weren't easy to hear at all. "Sunny, but Dark Kitty needs you. You promised you would help her." That felt like an arrow through my heart. She said nothing but the truth. It wasn't long before the little pixie reduced me to tears. Every of her words seemed casual and innocent, but at the same time coldly calculated to pinch in my afflicted heart. I wouldn't stand it much longer, so I interrupted our conversation and told her I needed to keep going. Though she convinced me to stay and at least have a rest.

    During the night, I had again that dream. The shadowy creature was now taking ~Lorie~ away, I had lost my grip on her. And it flew away. Lorie just looked into my eyes, helpless, immobilized, with a single hand extended towards me. Her lips moved, but pronounced no words. I could read them say "sister". Then vanished in a cloud of darkness.

    I then woke up, with the first morning lights beaming down onto the forest. I looked around and everything seemed intact, but Tojan seemed gone. I stood there for a good while, praying to Lathander and trying to decide which way I should go. I read the orders I received: "Lady Rith Phoenixfeather to present yourself before the Sunrise Lord of Suzail within the approved time to take on your next task. Please understand that failure to comply may result in the deaths of many innocents, and as such we'd be sadly obligued to issue penalties." That settled my conflict, and I could do nothing but sigh and resume my march.

    A few hours later I was reaching the western limit of the Rawlins, still wishing for a sign that allowed me to turn back and return with my loved friends. And in that moment I spotted a weird tree formation. The trees atop were bent, and spelled two words. Those words were "A SIGN". I blinked my eyes. A sign? The irony took shape as I looked down and there were more tree formations forming a barricade in my path, also bent into spelling 4 more words. "COME HOME, Love US."

    That was the final bit. My own heart stinging, Tojan's eloquent and touching words, and now this. I fell on my knees, surrendered, my hands covering my face as I weeped into them. - "Why… why do you do this to me?" I begged to know. Just a few seconds later, the answer was given. ~Jerrick~ was there, behind all that setup, and stood in front of me.

    • "Because I'm not in the habit of giving up the things I love without a fight. Even if those things, are people." - The redhead scoundrel had been stalking me all the way to tend me this "ambush". He approached me, holding my cheek with one hand, as he spoke. - "Surely this can't be that bad. Reasons to stay... subtle signals that we'll make you if you try to leave... that and I have this sneaking suspicion that if I throw you over my shoulder right now and walk you back to Narfell kicking and screaming, that negates -your- responsibility for your actions, and Lathander can take it up with me himself, and ask why I took his servant back to where she's not ONLY needed, but loved." - He then gave me THAT grin. - "We can argue if you want, but I won't let you pass."

    By then, I didn't need much convincing. I was broken emotionally. I just hugged his neck, and he took the chance to undo my armor and scoop me up, like one of those princesses in the fairy tales. I looked up at the sky, and the Sun, hopeful. Jerrick then joked - "come, it's time for the world to see once again the Glorious Tiger Rider." he chuckled as he turned into his most formidable shape, the dire tiger which I admire so much. It was quite sight, the large predator submissively leaning down so that I could climb on top, while Tojan sat at his head. The little pixie's face was such as of one that knew what would happen all along. "Little, adorable brat." I thought once again.

    And Jerrick strode us back home. The speed and flexibility of Jerrick in tiger form are amazing, along with the way the forests bent to make shortcuts and paths for him. We were back home in barely a few hours, while I had spent almost 3 days walking away. My excitement grew exponentially as I began to recognize tree formations and hills in the forest. Looking forward to the moment I held Lorie again between my arms.

    And then we were there, at the "Fuzzy Den". I rushed past everything to get to her room, and there she was, sitting alone. - "Lorie! I'm back!" - Her ears twitched and perked, her eyes opened and sretched. "RITH!" - She literally leaped on me, and if not because I was darting forth myself, I'm sure my butt would have met the stone floor abruptly. The moment was magical. Hugged each other so tight, that I could feel her heart beating against mine. I then felt that was right. I felt that is what Lathander asks of us, to love and be loved. To plant seeds of hope and joy wherever we go. There I was, my Lord, feeling like everything made sense. Like I was were I was meant to be.

    After a while where Jerrick was incapable to put us appart, we finally settled down to talk about everything and nothing. At one point, Lorie, knowing my extreme weakness for felines, decided to be waaay too cute and turned into an adorable panther. She climbed on my lap to purr, nuzzle, and make me melt in general. I felt like a little kid in such blissful feeling.

    After a while relaxing and just enjoying each other's company, we heard a knock on the door. It was ~Ronan~ and ~Fadia~ which we welcomed to enter and take a seat. They wanted to talk about Sqee and his son, and whatever they're after. I must admit that by now I was really wrecked, and even though I wanted to take part in the conversation, I must have fallen asleep at some point.

    I woke up this morning in my bed, so I'm not sure if I managed to walk there by myself, or someone carried me while sleeping. Either way, it feels great to be home. I love the scent of this place. Its walls, its gentleness, its calmness. I love to be in a place where I can feel I belong. Where I can give my love, but also receive it. I followed my heart, and the hearts of those who love me. To my Lord Lathander I say - I am not retiring, I am just choosing for once in my life where I will bring Your gift. This is a land of strife, they -NEED- a Dawnbringer like a field of flowers needs Your gentle shine. May Your everlasting Light grant me wisdom to overcome the tasks ahead. And may Your unending warmth grant me Love so that I may spread it. I think this land needs plenty of it.


  • Month 5

    I don't feel like writing much today. I have hangover and a crawling feeling of inpending doom that I can't get rid of, but I'll summarize.

    Last week has been quiet for the most part, until the last few days. As usual, met ~Jerrick~, ~Lorie~ and ~Ducky~ by the South Gate, amongst others. Soon after, an inexperienced adventurer claimed that he had lost his travelling bag in the forest, so Jerrick, being such a kind soul as he is, decided to investigate. Several of us followed to help.

    After a while tracking, Lorie and I separated from the main group and spotted a large number of goblins in the island in the forest. The others were quite far by now, so we alone charged in. Lorie, as an adorable, yet fierce feline - I, with the word of Lathander, that hasn't left me yet, apparently. We took around 40 greenskins by ourselves when the others heard the battle noises and arrived just to finish off the last three or four remaining goblins. We found the traveller's belonging, so all was well.

    Later on we decided to go on a picnic and spend the day camping in the woods. It was a nice evening in general, though I think I drank one too many bottles of wine. Probably started acting silly and eventually I must have passed out cuddled with my dear sister.

    In that trance, I had a strange dream of a shadowy creature floating over a cloud of smoke wanting to take her away from me, and I pulled as hard as I could to keep her close. The creature kept pulling away, and I was losing my strength and my grip on her. I heard a stern voice telling me things… "Leave her, Dawnbringer." Another voice from another angle "You serve us, not them." Yet another as a severe face appeared in front of mine "Fullfill your duty."

    In that moment I was awoken by Lorie's gentle pokes, just to find a really old face when my eyes finally adapted to the Sunlight. It was Sqee, the goblin of times old that aided Norwick many a time. Undoubtely, Sqee has his own interests, but he didn't have a tainted soul, and I was hoping it had kept so.

    He told us a couple of things to consider. First, the goblin impersonators, are being mutated by some kind of Grog brought magically into Skara's cave by some golems, or iron sentinels. It smells like Thayan to me. Second, Sqee adviced us that while the power shifting takes place after the defeat of the Dracolich and Wendigo, we should take the chance to cleanse the old elf encampment to the south, and so prevent that the sons of Ostrogoth make a base of operations out of it as they move in.

    We heeded to his advice, but we were all too tired for discussing much further. Jerrick wasm't in the mood for arguing with ~Eluriel~ so he decided to leave, and Lorie and I followed. I walked with them up to Jerrick home's door, where they stayed, and I went to the "Fuzzy Den" myself. I am going to miss the scent of this place. Its walls, its gentleness, its calmness. I am going to miss bantering with Jerrick, and giving him a goodnight hug. Fighting alongside him, like two perfect pieces of a good-doing machine. I am going to miss so much just talking to Lorie, seeing her as a werekittie, giggling for no reason and feeling loved just by being close to her.

    I want to stay, but I'm so scared. I don't want Lathander to turn on me, if I become unable to help those in need I will lose my purpose. It is all I've known how to do. If I see a traveller entering Norwick injuried and I can not heal them... I don't even want to think about it. What good am I to stay with the people I love, if I can not protect them? If I become a liability to them. I could not watch suffering that I can't do nothing against. The idea of waking up without Lathander's loving touch terrorizes me. I will leave tomorrow, and if my heart remains in one piece, I will try to use it to spread Lathander's Love wherever I am sent. To then go through this again. Though I am convinced that I won't find as pure and lovable friends anywhere else.

    I love you, my friends. Passionately, purely and inconditionally. It has been the best months of my long life. Thank you for existing.


  • Month 4

    I went out to Norwick gates as usual rather disheartened, carrying the letter from the Church of Cormyr with me, reading it over and over. Along the way I remembered once again what my dearest friends had told me about certain Dark Enchanter, and I started hoping that if I told that to the Sunrise Lord of Cormyr himself, he would agree that I would be allowed to stay in Narfell to investigate.

    To that end, I sought ~Lorie~ as soon as she appeared by the South Gates. We had a talk about the Dark Enchantress. What she is, what has she done, how she operates and what is her ultimate goal. All of it was certainly worth investigating by a Lathanderite, specially since I learned that she is not a person, but a possessing undead spirit. She began to tell me more in-depth who Ilusif is, but was requestied elsewhere, and I told her it would be best if she went to deal with that while I ordered the information I got from her.

    I spent some good hours debating myself. At some point ~Thorn~ came to cheer me up a bit, which I appreciated a lot. He is a good man and has his heart in the right place. He is another I am going to miss if I am to leave the land.

    After a while, ~Val~ spoke about going out to the forests to hunt some undead spirits, and along came ~Ducky~ and others. I thought it would be a good distration to escape the negative trend in which I had fallen, so I did that. Had a tight fight down there, specially with the bugbear casters, which kept swarming out of the old elven camp with deadly spells and protective magics. After we dealt with one too many of them we decided to withdraw. I believe one of the less experienced members of our group fell unconscious, but we managed to leave all on our own feet.

    It still didn't manage to clear my thoughts. I felt distracted and unprepared. I guess I was resigning to the idea of saying goodbye for good to those that I've gotten to love so dearly in my time here. I then remembered, that there were a couple of things that I didn't want to leave unfinished. In fact, two of those things, I could not allow myself to leave unfinished. One, seeing ~Kara~ one last time. Two, helping Lorie to get rid of her ghosts.

    I sought ~Jerrick~ then, to see if the preparations for those could be sped up before I had to leave. After looking for a while, I knocked his home's door, and after a bit, Lorie opened it. I hoped hard that I didn't interrupt anything, but seems like they were just preparing dinner, and Jerrick was quick to invite me to share it with them. I told Jerrick the news about my letter, and asked him if it was possible to see those things done promptly. He didn't only say it was possible, but also said that he wouldn't let me go just like that.

    I didn't know how to react. Both Jerrick and Lorie sat at my sides and said they'd go to Cormyr theirselves and convince whoever they had to, so that I could stay. My heart was breaking, and at the same time pounding so strongly that I felt it bumping against my chest. I didn't know if I should be happy because I had found such loving people, or if should be sad because I was being forced to leave them. They had me crying and sobbing like a silly little girl for a good while.

    Then Jerrick gave me a new isnight, a new way to look at it: "Who are some mere men to tell you how to follow your God. What if you just follow your heart?". This made me think… I've always followed my heart, I'm far from a perfect woman in many aspects, I'm sensitive and passionate both for good and for bad. Yet Lathander chose me. What if I was doing right? What if I am serving Lathander above the Church of Lathander? Isn't that much more worthy - To serve my god, rather than the men who say to represent my god?

    At that point we were interrupted as I was needed to perform a ritual of resurrection, that turned to be unnecessary, so instead of returning to Jerrick's home, Lorie propossed to use her hot spring to relax a bit and drop some tension. All this time I kept thinking about what Jerrick said, about Lorie's tender hug saying that she would go herself to Cormyr if she needed to.

    The hot spring was definitely relaxing. It offered us a chance to get in a lighter, joking mood. We did talk briefly about Lorie, too. Jerrick explained his plans to try to free her from her nightmares and possibly, free Tindra too. I let them know once again, that I'll be there to help with anything, whatever risk it takes. Even if I feel like I don't have to say anything, because they know it. They know I'll be there, ever, for whatever.

    When the night was closing and we were all needing some rest, a mention on the Dracolich was brought up, and I decided it was fair that Lorie had her own trophy from the unnatural beast, as she also helped, in her own way. For one, giving Jerrick and me a special reason to return safe and sound. And so, I gave her the magical Avariel Wing Feather I took from the undead dragon's hoard. Lorie seemed to like it, and admitted she is preparing a gift for me too, but both Jerrick and she refused to even hint me what could it be. Afterwards, she said something like "it will fulfill one of my desires, in a way". I joked about a fake feline tail, or a potion to turn me into one for a while, but again, they did not give any further hint. I'll live with that, but I am incredibly intrigued and at the same time, excited. After that, gave them both a fond good night hug, and went to my room.

    I value what they do for me more than they could ever imagine. I was a broken toy this morning, ready to be discarded and forgotten. Now, as I write this from Lorie's old room in her Den, I feel anew, filled with Love and with Hope. I pray to Lathander tonight so that this feeling lingers. It is very beautiful.


  • Month 4

    ::This short entry seems to be written rather abruptly. There are several spots in the page that indicate single tiny drops of a liquid::

    This is the ever dreaded day in which after my mission has been successfull, I receive orders to go elsewhere, and deal with another threat. After I've given myself to the people, earned some of their hearts as they earned mine, put my life in their hands as they've put theirs in mine… I just have to say goodbye.

    It breaks my heart. It tears it to little pieces, that crumble and rain in front of my eyes, and no matter how hard I try, I can't weave them back together. It is I, who lives to show Love, to nurture it and to promote it, that can't linger in such precious feeling?

    I've been serving the Church of Lathander in Cormyr for around sixty years, humbly delivering myself to its cause, slaving myself to their own vision of "The Greater Good" and I can't help but feeling like a heart-stripped pawn. I am proud of what I do, of what I've learned. But this has to be wrong. Lathander wishes His followers to spread Love because they feel it, spread Joy because they have it, bring Peace because they cherish it. Yet I am deprived of any, because I carry my home in my luggage and need to find a new one every few months.

    I suposse it's time to go out and deliver some goodbyes. I beg you, Lathander, to grant me the wisdom to understand if this is right. Give me a signal, my Lord. I suffer direly, and I need your guidance more than ever. I know how to defeat a horde of undead, and how to banish a greater devil, but I do not know how to stop my heart from stinging in my chest with every beat since I received this letter.


  • Month 4

    Aw, ~Jerrick~ is no fun. Just when we heard him coming, ~Lorie~ and I covered ourselves with the sheets and cuddled pretending to be asleep just to see his face and what dirty thoughts he'd get at the picture, but we couldn't help giggling and I guess he heard us and gave up our setup. A moment after we had this kind of adorable wolf getting between us licking us over and demanding being petted. Ah well, we'll think of something else, he will regret!

    A lot of laughs and care was a good way to start the most important day of our lives, at least in a long time. I was impressed by how the whole land came to the aid. I knew common sense would triumph and the alliance of all the free peoples of Narfell would stand stronger than ever today. Every faction help in what they could.

    About the expedition itself, I am wordless. Unlike other times where I am able to give a full review of the events, this one time I was so taken by the importance of my mission that I can barely describe.

    Things that must be known: We reached the Lost City, denied the Yuan-ti, evaded the drow, destroyed hundreds of powerful demons and undead and eventually found Scythohalngfel, the Dracolich. The Searing Light of Lathander proved to be once more the bane of the undead. But far from that alone, every ally was important piece of a puzzle that wasn't completed until we followed up to the Avatar of The Hungry One, and eventually even followed Wendigo to its plane, to destroy it forever.

    Returned victorious, with a dragon hoard and the feeling of having done something big. Even the more stern persons have opened their hearts and can see them smile more often. The perfection was somehow broken by the appearance of one Dark Enchantress, the one that Lorie told me about, apparently. I was distracted talking to ~Elena~ and couldn't notice much, however.

    After a well deserved night rest, I returned to town, and found quite a lot of people around, including those that I was really glad to see once again. "See, Lorie, I promised we'd return" I thought as I greeted her. With the Dracolich out of the picture, hopefully we can focus on finding a solution to her problem. She has a lot of friends that will do whatever it takes to see it happen.

    Though I'll have to warn her of those that pretend to care about her but just act out narrow minded prejudices. Jealousy, perhaps. Like ~Ronan~. I had a disgusting talk with him today. He managed to insult me repeatedly by hinting that my friendship with ~Jerrick~ goes too far, and along the way he described Jerrick as something I can not write in this book, but that comes to mean that he switches his eternal love like he switches his pair of shoes. I should be less honest sometimes, or choose who am I honest to, that much I am gathering. I could also gather that he has probably told Lorie all he told me about Jerrick. Really, Ronan, way to help her with whatever problems she has. Make her worry about things she shouldn't, why don't you?

    I guess that answers Jerrick's hunch. Ronan does not like him. The reasons, I will reserve to myself, not to make his same mistake of judging others based on blind prejudices. I will definitely take distance from him, as I've opened my heart and told him some intimacies that I don't easily reveal, and all I've received in return has been hinted accusations and prejudices.

    Ah well. Later in the day I had a talk with Jerrick. I let him know that whatever Ronan or anybody else thinks I trust him. I also told him I wouldn't allow him to make Lorie suffer and he explained he would never ever do that, mainly because he would die ten times over for her love. I believed him. I never stopped believing him, but this is the damage that narrow minded people like Ronan do.

    Talking about everything, he confessed finally that he's got over his "mindblock" when getting private time with Lorie. That changed my mood and got him a deserved hug. You go, boy. Show her that nothing will be in the way of your plentiful love. It is amazing sometimes to see how love comes through, no matter what. It is really a lesson to everyone.

    Back to the town, we found Lorie, and just had a friendly talk about things. It was then when I had another idea to tease Jerrick in our joyful dispute for supremacy! Lorie and I, looking so very similar to the point of being called "sisters" more than one by even strangers, decided to disguise as each other. Switched our clothes, used a couple of prayers to disguise our voices and blend our faces a little bit. Since we've been living together quite some time now, Lorie and I, we even smell pretty much the same. Suffice to say, I sleep in what has been her room for years, in the Fuzzy Den.

    So, made the preparations, clothes exchanged, we went on with the plan. Me being Tindrith, and Lorie being Rithindra. Or something. We seemed to deceive about everyone. Including Jerrick that approached me and hugged me from behind as he usually does to Tindra. I must say, I think I was very convincing. Tindra and I kept acting as each other, and had a real good laugh. There were a couple of close calls due to Jerrick being so "cuddly" in public and me failing to play that along properly. In the end, Ilusif came and we decided to get out of there and get back our real personalities. Eh… I got a kiss on the lips from Jerrick on the way out. Caught me totally off-guard. Small one, merely a peck, but I think I was blushed for some minutes. If we do this "swap" more times in future, I'll wear a helmet, I think.

    All in all, it was fun and well worth. Oh, yes, we also ran out of fireworks so we decided to take part on the Fight Night, hoping to get some as prize. It was a fun competition. Jerrick disqualified Lorie, even though we tried our best to make him lose focus. In the end the Troff, Jerrick and me, reached the finals. Jerrick won, obviously. And all we got was some coins. I guess we'll have to wait for another opportunity.

    It was getting late and we all decided to start heading to our night's rest. Jerrick decided to stay at the inn and Lorie and I went home - oh yes, I call it home now. It is where I know I am welcome, and makes me feel look forward to return after a long day. I can't ever be grateful enough.

    The sad news is, with the Dracolich destroyed, I have to fill my report to the Church of Lathander, and they will surely relocate me to another campaign against undead or demons, somewhere else. I've been delaying the report as much as I can, and looking for excuses to keep in Narfell. I am sure there are plenty of threats to deal with. The Dark Enchantress, for example. I must find Jerrick and Lorie tomorrow, and get them to tell me all they know about her, so that I can convince the Sunrise Lord at Cormyr that it is a good cause for someone like me.

    May Lathander see worth in my actions, so that I can keep being strong, and aid those in need. And may He fill my heart with love, so that I can keep sharing it unendingly with those I care for.


  • Month 3

    First thing that happened when I awoke, ~Soliel~ came running to me, saying that the gates were under attack. When I went there, ~Jerrick~, ~Albryanna~ and a few others were preparing for the defense. Others arrived later, like ~Sir Mariston~.

    Several hordes of undead and demon attacked, apparently led by some kind of necromancer. We fenced off the attacks best we could. Skelletons, zombified animals, horrors, even gargantual zombies, a Vrok and bone wyverns met their demise in turn. The attacks lasted three days and three nights, so we had to take turns in the defense lines.

    There was a cloud of flying demons constantly menacing us with their presence above our heads, and what is more, I think they had something personal on me specifically. For some reason they kept scooping down at me when they saw a chance, but then quickly retreating when they saw I was free to act.

    At some point I had to retreat for a moment to offer my dawn prayers to Lathander, and they all took a dive onto me. They don't only interrupted my prayer, but they got me out of focus and sorrounded me. Fortunately after I yeled some of the people nearby at the gate could come to aid me.

    Eventually the attacks ceased. It felt weird, however, as if we weren't really being attacked to be defeated. It felt as if we were being tested. All in all, I hope we did not disappoint anyone, including the Dracolich, for its demise will be met soon.

    It was then when Mariston gave me the news about some old alliance with celestial creatures that he would call forth to aid in the battle against the Dracolich. He also told me that he could not take part in the assault, but asked me to please be a good representative of the Order, and that his honourr was with me.

    This left me rather torn, because while I am proud of being representative of the Order, I could not guarantee that, for example, the Yuan-ti wouldn't be present in the assault, which is banned by the Order. And as such, it was painful to have Mariston's trust in me while I saw a chance I could fail him. I admit I entered a moment of depression after that, but Jerrick dragged me to his house so we could speak about it.

    I did tell him that having Mariston's trust and honour pending on me, along with the aiding celestials, I could not see myself allied with the Yuan-ti. And that if I saw any in the battlefield, I would have to react to them in no different way than I'd react to the Dracolich and its minions. Jerrick patted my shoulder reassuringly, and said that then so would he. That, at least, brought a smile back to my face. ~Lorie~ arrived then, and we switched to a more friend and relaxed chat until I decided to go back to town to give them some well deserved intimacy time together. We don't know what will be the outcome of the incoming battle, so they should use any chance they have to do what… well, what a pretty man and a pretty girl who love each other do. I know I would, if I had such opportunity. I slipped one of those Wilting Flower shop rings into Lorie's pocket as I walked out hoping they would use it well, and bid my farewell with the fondness and love I hold for them both.

    Later on, I met Benji, the gnome I had been told about. It was a good chance to see if he was as good shot with the crossbow as they told me, so I took him to the archery targets. After some tests, I saw he really is good, so I trusted him with the two blessed bolts of the Morninglord that we found recently in the Lathanderite cache. The evening came along easily as people gathered around to speak about the various current news and gossip. I learned then from one of those conversations, that apprently sometime during my absence. a goblin wearing an armor identical to mine attempted to enter Norwick pretending to be me. I was shocked, but found kind of hilarious that someone would pretend to pass as me while being half the size.

    Apparently this goblin exploded when caught and submitted, before it could be interrogated. What is more, we were just talking about it when another goblin passed by, dressed as Roland. He was also put down, and also exploded, but I wonder what is going on with that.

    Another funny moment of the evening, is when Lorie arrived with a doll of herself. It was so adorable! The real fun started when she said "Tindra Statue, Terrorize!" and the doll morphed into a werecat while doing growl and purr sounds. It had me a good while laughing helplessly.

    After a while, a shady looking hin or gnome arrived to the Norwick gates offering people a trip to glorious treasures free of charge. This sounded rather suspicious to both Lorie and me, so while most of the people gathered at the gates followed without question, she and I decided to have dinner instead. And at that, we decided to assault Jerrrick's cabinets while he was out.

    Oh yes, we had delicious dinner, and exchanged some stories and had a nice evening all in all. I don't know if she realizes how important it's to me to share some time with people I love in the moments before Hell breaks loose, but I am sure treasuring her company.

    It became late and as usual I lost track of time, so when I was heading out, I thought perhaps staying the night at Jerrick's, and then I remembered his naughty thoughts a few days ago, when I asked him if Lorie and I could pass as sisters. So I propossed Lorie to play a prank on him as revenge - a delicious, hilarious prank. We schemed together, and decided on it. I can't wait for Jerrick to get home, tomorrow in the morning.