3. It's Only Skin Deep

It's Only Skin Deep


  • Things had turned out alright….everything was working itself out...and then they took him, just like Deirdre was taken.

    Deirdre, I will never find you, I know that now, but Ty'eth?

    I will find you, this I swear.


  • It has been so long…too long since I've written in this book.

    So many adventures and so much has happened since my last entry.

    I have found someone to be with, Risthernil (Risty) for short. Aqua eyes, black hair and easy to laugh, I would have to say he is probably the most handsome male of any race I have ever been with, and the most lighthearted. It does me good to be around him, he brings out the joy in me, the laughter. He makes me so very very happy.

    As for the drow I wrote of earlier, Ty'eth is his name. His story is a long one, needless to say he was different, he was good. Peacefully he lived in the glade behind the waterfall and I swore to protect him should he come to any harm. He was still being hunted by many groups and we wished only his safety, he granted me the gift of my skin back, which is an entirely different story altogther.

    Now he is in jail, for a crime that I'm positive he didn't commit. Now I am the one who must defend him. Luckily, many of my friends have also met and befriended them, I hope they'll step up and come to his aid in this dark time.


  • It seems that Rhylin has come to give us a gift and stay for 7 days in Narfell. After a very stressful (for me) conversation and having to dress as a drow again I have managed to keep our run a secret for the time being. Though alerting my friends to her presence, most of them have avoided her, and rightly so. The he time for her to go home is fast approaching, I pray she makes it home safely.

    Recently, I joined Ama, Jin, Ael'Que, and Suldi on a trip to the ettins where we were met by many a foul tempered giant. On our way back, a drow was running ahead, setting traps and either being shot at or shooting us… (Not sure which). I attempted to speak to him in his undercommon tongue and surprisingly he responded. He thought us all savage faries who salughter and kill. I let him know that pretty much everything does that is alive...

    Strange coming from a drow, his opposition to what he considered violence, though hist traps were very good and we triggered many, almost losing Jins life. Eventually, we were able to corner him in a small room where I, with Amas help, attempted to convince him to walk in the light as Eilistraee bades all the dark ones of our kin underground. He was scared the entire time, I could tell through his speech and mannerisms.

    When I told him I could dance, he asked me to dance, and I was unconvinced that he wasn't trying to just capture me, and when I wouldn't take his hand, he captured me anyway and had me tell everyone to get back. I did and everyone did except for Ael'Que who was beside himself (in his own stoic way) that I had been captured. I tried to let him know that I was alright, I knew that if the drow had wanted to kill me, he would have done it a long time ago.

    There were some strained words exchanged and he drug me out into the hall, before he shoved me towards Ael'Que he whispered that he would think on my words, and I really do think he will... I would like to go back to the caves to learn his name, and perhaps talk with him in a less stressful situation. Suildi kept wanting to kill him, I think I shall avoid inviting him on the next trip.

    On another note, Thorn sent me a lovely letter and some cookies, which heightened my spirits a great deal. I think I'll go visit him as soon as I can.


  • A Sad Goodbye

    Day came and it was time to go home, Isiolia walked us back to our camp, a heaviness in our hearts that we might never be able to return to thier village. Before we left we learned they called their village Valos and that they wished to carve the fangs that we had given them as gifts to us. We begged them to keep them to remember us always and to tell their generations of the kind dark elves who came to the surface to do good works. A large heavy bag was given to us as gifts and we felt it fruitless to keep refusing and graciously accepted. Fadia was one of the saddest to leave, claiming she wished to come back. I took her aside and had to explain that we could never return and why, and she understood.

    The boat back was quiet and uneventful aside from sharing the gifts we had been given, lovely helms and capes, with a few bottles of their wine. Though I was sad to go, I felt confident that what we had done was good, right and just for the people and for my religion as well as all the dark elves that were good and who would have loved to go on such a journey, but could not. Thorn sulked at the bow of the ship and by then I had had it with his attitude and frankly so had almost everyone else. Neb came out and asked him what his problem was, but he claimed not to have one. This entire time I never knew exactly what his issue was until we got off of the boat and Eluriel and Fadia told me. They said he had said quite frequently what he had issue with but he must have said it to them and not to me, the leader of this dangerous expidition. In retrospect, I wish he had so that we might have spoken sooner though later we had a heart to heart and are now just as close as we ever were.

    It was a hard journey for everyone to be sure, but the impact we had on the lives of those elves will never be forgotten, we changed the hearts and minds of an entire people! Now, if dark elves do cross paths with anyone from that villiage, maybe they'll ask questions before drawing a blade or bow.

    Maybe they'll give them a chance.


  • A Chance

    Stepping forward I had my hands raised to show I clearly was not making a move to fight. The female elf that had been shooting us was there (I later learned her name was Isiolia with Galahist) with another male and demanded to know our business. I told her what we were doing there, to spread kindness and change minds. Eventually after explaining over and over again in different ways that we meant no harm, I learned that they had been burnt once before and still the evil of the betrayers remained. The drow were failthful of Lolth and one of her queens still lived in a cave not far from their village where there was ore to be mind. Several had tried to If we were as goodly as we claimed, they said, we would erase the evil that was done once before by the betrayers, righting their wrong and earning their trust. We were to bring back the fangs of the deceased arachnid as proof.

    Isiolia then showed me the cave, letting me know that if me and my kind strayed from the trail we would be shot. The cave was rife with Lolth paraphanelia, elven skulls littered the ground. which of course disgusted me, the emotion written clearly on my black face. Silently I walked back the path and to our camp, much to the relief of everyone. I relayed the information and we all made our way to the cave. A shifted tiger and shifted panther were there, possibly to keep an eye on us. Neb and Thorn were picked on a bit by the cats, which was amusing during the cleansing of the caves. Hundreds of spidars were still lurking there and we cut them down easily but not without a few bumps along the road. We were sapped of our strength at one point so bad that Thorn became completely useless. Eluriel was able to restore most of use to normal and chided Thorn for not having a scroll, which I think hurt his feelings but honestly at that point everything was.

    Eventually we came to the queen and working together as a team brought her down. Soon we came upon the body of the caster in a ritual circle. Fadia said that it would fade in time, and so we left it undisturbed. I double and triple checked that we had cleared the cave completely and then went back to the body of the queen and removed her fangs. We came out, a exhausted but victorious and gave them the fangs. It might have been surprise that was on their faces, but as we slowly introduced ourselves, each of my friends cordial and eloquent, except for Thorn (who what, waved and smiled?) they started to warm to us. We were asked what we had to teach them and I of course mentioned my song and dance which they mentioned that their youth would be interested. Eluriel then mentioned to me that she was a master bowyer and I brougth this to thier attention. I had little else to say after that, many were very very interested and I smiled as Eluriel explained her equisite craft to them.
    We were shown a new place we could camp, not in the village but definitely near it. A lovely glade sheltered from the harsh winds. We thanked Isiolia and Galadhist; Fadia, Eluriel and Thorn started to set up camp attempting to teach Neb how to do that very thing.

    When night fell I donned my bells and started to sing and dance. Two elves shyly approached us, Rhylin and Bre'int'le, to watch me dance and asked Fadia, Eluriel and Neb about us and were surprised that we did much the same things that elves did, which is what any elf on the surface would do. I remember Rhylin asking us with a surprised voice that we ate "What all the other elves did and not puppies." This caused laughter from some of us and immediate denile from others. I danced and sang well and even danced with Rhylin for a little she had quite the natural talent. Bre seemed less interested in what was going on, until I danced near him, and though his face was firm set his eyes wer on me. I hoped I came through to him at some point. Then we had a small conversation with the enthusastic Rhylin before Bre called her back to the village. I believe Thorn was mostly in a tree for the entire time, but was observing.

    The next day poor neb was almost attacked by a dire bear, luckily Fadia awakened in time to help him. When I awoke we were on edge and only relaxed after Isiolia had said the bear had gone. Isiolia joined us for breakfast (which Eluriel and Thorn tried to show Neb how to gather) and we had many conversations about life in narfell but I remembered to keep it mostly general. The closer we became with these elves, the more we would have to remember to leave things about ourselves out. This proved more and more difficult for us as we truly bonded as we would find out.
    Isiolia then led us to the village where we were treated to Eluriel making masterwork bows to the rapt attention of Galahist, Rhydin, Isiolia, Bre and several other of the elves of the village. It was quite an amazing sight. The skill of her rendering the wood, carving, shaping, oiling, bending, etching, it was all kind of…magical, and I felt lucky to be apart of it, even if just watching. Fadia and Thorn were talking to each other, Thorn looking in better spirits than the few days before, which made me smile.

    After she was done making a lovely natural bow for Rhylin and night began to fall, we were led to a grove where the younger elves of the village gathered to dance and sing, which all of us except for Thorn happily joined in the dancing and singing. After awhile I was asked to teach the young of the village a dance. Everyone sat and watched while the village elves served dinner and drinks. I showed them all a couple of moves into a simple dance that all could do in many combinations of ways. All seemed joyous and laughing and it did sadden my heart a bit to know that we would not return.


  • The Island

    We set to dying our hair and staining our skin. I immediately stripped and started to slather on the balm, much to Nebs….embarrassment? Arousal? I know not which but it was cute to see him blush. Eluriel went to the cover of a tree to do so and I aided Neb with the rest while Fadia aided Thorn and vice versa. Unfortunately, Neb could not continue to have his magical facial hair, as he would be quickly spotted as a peculiar drow and we might have our cover blown. I gently shaved it off, much to his sullen agreement and once we were all done staining, dying and clothing ourselves, we set out to hunt on our way to the Elvin village.

    The forest was rife with dire weasels and boar, and we easily killed a few, Fadia and Eluriel set to swiftly skinning them for the pelts and properly packing the meat for later with Thorn carrying the bag once they were finished. We could tell when we were getting close by way of a sturdy, well designed rope bridge across a crevice, before heading over I saw a small string glint in the light and told everyone to hold back, thinking it might be a trap. Eluriel came to investigate and disabled the trap, allowing us safe passage over the chasm.

    I believe this is when we first ‘met’ Isiolia. After we were safely across, a large wall of flame lit up the night and a rain of arrows came forth. Unable to react quickly enough many of us just plain scattered Fadia and Eluriel called at our assailants that we meant no harm, and once I had healed everyone who needed healing (including myself) I came to the front to announce our business after the wall of flame had dissipated. We were told to go back where we came from or be harmed farther.

    Fadia suggested I do a dance, so, shaking and sweating, I donned my bells and started to sing what I thought was a song I knew but because I was so nervous I gave one of the worst performances of my life, hitting the notes off key and kind of stumbling through it. I noticed the elf that had shot at us wincing and falling back into the blackness…at least I got her to stop hurting us, right?

    We soon made camp, exhausted and injured. As the sun rose, Thorn shimmied up a tree to see what he could see and started to ask if he could scout. After what had just happened I said no. He could be captured or worse and he was too precious to me for me to have that on my shoulders as well as the assault. I still feel guilty for running. Not liking my response he continued to ask if he could scout and I continued to say no, growing weary with the requests. Eventually, he went to go sulk by a waterfall which was irritating but was later joined by Fadia which I was happy with because at least he wasn’t alone. Sometimes I forget how much younger than me he is.

    Meanwhile, while the set up of camp was going on, I tried to figure out our next steps, and finally coming up with something that might work. We would cook the meat and leave it with a note by the village entrance with the best cuts. Then the subject of poison came up. So then we thought perhaps while eating in plain sight we could leave the meat with a villager or two. Several strategies were thought of and the sun went down again.

    I thought maybe a better song and dance might bring people out to be curious about us…in a positive way. So I donned my bells once again and started to sing the song about two star-crossed lovers. This was one of the best performances I’ve ever given and in my mind, redeemed my previously crappy one from the night before. Thorn and Fadia came to the camp; I think to watch me dance, I was glad to see them with the rest of the group again. Singing and dancing, everything was going wonderfully; I even tried out a few new moves, and then the wall of fire once more and the rain of arrows with a declaration that they did not want any of our drow magic or sinful singing. I took as many arrows as I could manage, attempting to ignore the piercing pain to try and explain that we were here in peace and kindness, not to harm, before I finally had to run for cover.

    Despite their best efforts we did not run and continued to keep our camp where it was. Through our preperations, mostly Eluriel and Fadias, as they were the experts on how best to carve the animals and cook them, a small herd of deer came through, as pretty as you please while I stayed watch at the front of the encampment on the village side. It was nice to see something calm, a symbol of peace but there was something odd about them. They grouped together and just…stood there, watching us, as if what we were doing was the most interesting thing. The night was a quiet and peaceful one as we were preparing and after the morning came, they left, one by one.

    An arrow came whizzing through the air and landed in the ground, a scroll rolled up around it. It requested that one of us go forth and be representative for the group. Even though I was sure this was a huge step towards becoming friendly with the elves, in no way did I want it to be a trap and to have one of my dear friends fall into it. Everyone looked to me to decide who to go and of course I said I would. We came up with a strategy as to what to do if it was a trap and when to come after me and then I went forward, arming myself with words first and the blade only if they were going to kill me.

    I walked alone, apprehensive....hopeful.


  • Kill first and ask questions later.

    How many dark elves or redeemable drow have died because of this philosophy? How many more will? How can they come into the light, into the grace of Eilistraee when their brothers and sisters above grant them evil before even a word is spoken? Is it so hard to think that betrayers are redeemable? Are there not evil Sun Elves, corrupt Dwarves, twisted Gnomes, and ruthless Halflings? Not all who walk in the light are good and not all who dwell in darkness are bad, that is a fact.

    For the past ten day we represented those fallen, we were the voices for those good souls who were mercilessly were slaughtered in the name of closed mindedness, of fear, of uncertainty.

    The Beginning

    The message we sent was simple and clear “Please think before shooting, before slaying, before attacking. Give them a chance to walk in the light.”
    I first asked Nebriyewyn, interestingly enough, the newest of my friends. Unwaveringly he accepted who I was and the intense danger of the situation. His kindness made tears well in my eyes. He was firm and resolute in his answer. I think he was the only one who came out the same as when he went in.

    He has since departed, to seek out other adventures, probably far from here. Perhaps my dancing dazzled him, or the shine of my armor was especially pleasing, or I was kind to him when no one else was. He had been pining for me since he came to Narfell and we did have a wonderful date but after that night I could not see myself with him in the future; he is so young and so bright eyed! Despite what he claimed to feel in his heart, I am not the one for him. I am one with a heavy past and weighted heart. There is a woman for him, somewhere, perfect in every way for his light heart and his tender ways.

    Then Fadia – Interestingly enough, we have become closer in these recent few years, her being with one of my oldest friends here does that I suppose. I have grown very warm to her; she is one of the few elves here that I feel I can wholly relate to with experience, age and demeanor. She also accepted who I was and The Run request with open arms, and unwavering certainty. Fadia is a friend that I’ve never seen as too uncertain about anything, she is solid and sure of her decisions, and that kind of confidence was greatly needed on The Run.

    Then Thorn –Ah, poor Thorn. I thought I explained to him in it’s entirely what The Run was, for he too unwaveringly agreed to go on it. I emphasized to him and to everyone how dangerous and treacherous, how different this kind of thing was. Somehow the message of it all got lost on him and all he could see was deception. This bothered him greatly but we were able to talk about it recently and come to an understanding. I respected that he did not feel honest but I explained to him that it is how I feel much of every day since I came to this land, and that to me it wasn’t deception on our own part, but redemption for those who dark elves who were slain on sight and who have never gotten to go on The Run because of quick decisions and fear. I think this point of view has helped him since then

    Then Rith – A connection made with her turned into an invitation to which she was conflicted with at first but then accepted. I felt sad having to mention that we wouldn’t be doing it in Norwick, and so she was unfortunately unable to join us. I did think of her now and again throughout our trip, she would have made a great addition to the group.

    Then Eluriel - Now she was definitely the most thoughtful about coming on The Run. She did not accept right away but asked to think on it. I gave her time to do so, and let her know I would not be offended if she chose not to come. Luckily for me, knowing the true me, she decided she would.

    The moments building up to our departure I spent praying and going over old notes I had of what The Run would require of my friends. I gathered the proper leaves for the hair dye and the proper berries to create the salve that would stain our skin. I reread what it would require of my friends and prayed again. I don’t know if I’ve ever prayed so often to the Dark Maiden for anything else before. I often pray that she will hear me and think me a worthy Champion once more, but this was like nothing else. My friends, the most precious things in my life were risking their own lives so I could complete a celebration to my goddess. Nothing else spoke of love to me more than having them agree to this endeavor and I wanted to do whatever I could to ensure their protection no matter how capable or how skilled they were in defending themselves, I did not want them to come to harm because of my religious ambition. That is how people fall. That is how countries fall. That is how Nations fall. I would not let them fall because of me.

    Not since I was a mother have I been so fretful or nervous about anything. When Neb, Thorn, Eluriel, Fadia and I met we had a small meeting before setting out. Again I reiterated what we would be doing and the danger we could all be in; again I gave anyone the opportunity to leave should they feel that this task was not right for them in anyway, giving a pointed look at Neb. No one wavered; in fact, everyone seemed excited to do such a thing and to support me in this journey that could very well get someone hurt or worse.

    Making our way to the docks with everyone chattering was a cheerful moment; I would think on it how different it was than our return. However, on any journey almost no one returns the same as when they left. On the boat while Fadia and Thorn snuggled and Nebriyewyn ogled the sailors beard jealously, Eluriel informed me that she had also purchased silver hair dye for the trip. I should have told her beforehand that I had some, less permanent dye, but definitely appreciated her foresight and it turned out not to be a complete waste of money anyway (even though I tried to pay her back, she would have none of it).

    On our journey across the island on the Icelace, I expanded upon my past a bit, the story about the time that Dryden caught me in bed with Oreth and Red after an herb addled night and the result of me being in a short relationship with Onyx. Eluriel couldn’t understand Dryden’s feelings of betrayal and jealousy, very human feelings, according to her. Perhaps it was because we were raised in a human town; perhaps it was because we were more bold and rash than elves usually are. I am not one of the timeless; I cannot transcend these feelings like so many of my surface kin.

    Nearing the island, the sailor announced the price, far more than I had hoped but I figured we could all split the cost. Before I could do much about it Fadia had paid for the whole thing and wouldn’t hear of me even paying for half of it! Sometimes I think I don’t deserve such generous friends as these. The sailor then announced that due to the rocky conditions of the cliffs on the island, the boat could find no harbor or purchase. Neither did he have a canoe nor lifeboat to tender us from boat to shore. We had to jump and swim for it! Not very good planning on their part, but then again the sailor said he hadn’t really been out that way either.

    When we were debating how to go about doing this, perhaps swimming, perhaps clinging to a piece of wood or perhaps making a quick, makeshift raft, Thorn had already decided on his course of action and proceeded without farther input. Perhaps he had said what he was doing, but with the roar of the sea and the conversations going on all at once, how were we to hear. So he took a running leap and glided onto the cliffs with the help of magical boots. Meanwhile Neb was close enough to the place where Thorn had leapt that in the process he was knocked off balance and the one of us who could not swim was cast into the icy water. Fadia and I both scowled at Thorns impulsiveness and Eluriel set about to casting this and that onto Neb so he wouldn’t drown. After she had also cast protective spells on the rest of us, we took the plunge and arrived safely on land.

    I let Thorn know not to do anything like that again, especially now that we were on land and in dangerous territory, he frowned a bit, as he had not realized that Neb was in his way, but fully understood the gravity of our situation.

    I hoped that things would go smoother once we reached land….


  • The Run is fast approaching.

    Eilistraee protect Eluriel, Fadia, Thorn, and Nebriyewyn, we will need your guidance.


  • Who determined that Light was good and that Dark was bad?

    Dark can be comforting.
    Dark can be quiet.
    Dark can be peaceful.

    Light can be disturbing.
    Light can be piercing.
    Light can be harsh.

    I prefer when light and dark are in harmony.

    Dusk.
    Dawn.

    The suns colors burn brightest and radiant as the silvery moon shines its soft light. It is the blending of light and dark that brings balance, that is necessary.

    I had an intense conversation with Rith the other day when I invited her to the run. It seems she has gone through much the same thing I have gone through. Captured by drow, tortured by a Matron, left to starve and then fed, left to die and then revived, left to be broken and then fixed. Over and over and over again for a year, I know this method well, I had just come from it.

    As she relayed her phobia of drow, of her fear I nodded, I held her hand, I understood for I had been there before.

    I told her how the torture becomes nightmares, the nightmares memories and the memories experiences. That she will be able to bring light and radiance perhaps even better having lived through the dark. That she will better be able to defeat her foes because of the trauma, that she can be stronger for it. For here I was, standing in front of her, another victim of their malice, telling her that not all of them were bad. They will never go away, these things, but one can live, one can thrive.

    The first capture: I was made to be a receptacle for my half brothers advances in hopes of birthing a new race that could live in the light and take over goodly races. Orchestrated by my biological father and his matron, I was glad when I was rescued by my friends and when he perished at our hands.

    The second capture: They had us all chained and repeatedly molested me before using magic to get rid of my hair. I got it back.

    The third capture: As a Champion of Eilistraee I was quite high profile. I didn’t usually worship alone in unfamiliar territory. I had thought the perimeter was clear. It wasn’t, and for ten years they had me before I escaped. Every day for ten years I was tortured, beaten. Gradually they took my fighting abilities, then my dancing, then my singing. I was lost in the darkness..but my goddess never left me. You will walk again in the light Dondiah. You will once again be my Champion. My faith has never faltered.

    I was sad to hear that Rith could not come because she could not leave Norwick. While this made me sad I understood. After the conversation, Rith, Fadia, Thorn, Corwin and Nebriyewyn joined us for food and rest. While we rested I regaled a story of us, the fated six, humans Tych, Red and Oreth and elves Kaze, Dryden and me. I told them a bit of the Demon Knights, of Drapak and of Jordan, of the sickness of our town, and then the focus of the story Onyx. Onyx was brave, I said, he was kind and handsome, he was compassionate and beautiful. Rith commented that he should be a Dawnbringer, which made me smile. How lucky, even in the bad times with Dryden, that I was with Onyx.

    On another note, while I enjoy his company….I think…I fear Nebriyewyn is in love with me, or falling in love with me. A kind heart, but so young…I am concerned.


  • Hello old friend, old journal.

    Your binding is leather, original entries are starting to yellow.

    How many times have you been rebound, renewed?

    How many times have I copied entries from over 250 years ago?

    How old were you when I wrote about my first crush, Dryden?

    How old were you when I wrote that my mother and true father had died?

    How old were you when I wrote Dythanus, the drow who raped my mother, the cause of my ashen skin, was killed?

    I've died before, and I'll die again and I died just the other day.

    Sweet Nebriyewyn, thank the lady he wasn't killed either, I did enough to protect him, that's what gave me satisfaction. Troff and Rary also were there, Troff looking somber and Rary, like a concerned father, began to lecture me. Weak and frustrated, I kindly asked him for a lecture at another time.

    I forgot to mention I went on a date with Nebriyewyn, and something about him, something inside me I could explain to him of the true faith that I feel for Eilistraee, and why I feel the way I feel. I then asked him to participate in one of the last festivals I have yet to celebrate: the Run.

    He agreed, being my first and newest friend, this was a great honor to me. I went on to ask my close friends, Fadia and Thorn and had discussed it with Rith. Rith is lovely and I enjoy my visits with her as she takes her post at the temple of Lathander, I think she gets lonely up there even with Corwin. I could tell she wanted to join but wasn't sure if the illusion would be ruined if she were to join and regretfully had to tell her that she could not come, though upon farther thought I think I will have the run away from familiar faces and if she is interested still, I will ask her. I, however, am unsure if she needs to know the truth about me…only time will tell.

    Another I wish to ask is Eluriel, she was far more accepting and open about my background than I thought she would be...She had suspected something, I assume, she is very smart.

    I am so lucky to be surrounded by so many open hearts. I will soon pray to the Maiden that this goes well.


  • So much has happened since I last scrawled those notes of joy and hope, as I have learned to be in my very long life, everything that goes well I should always be cautiously optimistic towards.

    I thought Clay and I were going to have a future together. I don't know if it was cold feet, or the thought that was always ever present in his mind that he wasn't good enough for me that lead him to leave, but he is gone. I searched for him for many moons before it was obvious that though he was alive, he was well and did not want to be found by me. I wept, I screamed, I didn't eat for days, I couldn't sleep. I wandered the world like a zombie for a time, much like for Elith, but I couldn't continue on like I had before so I did what I had never wanted to do: I let him go…

    I sold my dress and my engagement ring. I was going to have his ring changed and engraved for our wedding so that our special rings could have more than one use and meaning...that I gave to Thorn, I thought he could use it and perhaps give to Clay if he ever returned.

    Clay will always have a place in my heart, and I don't think I've ever loved anyone as intensely as I loved him...but I now find myself moving on, moving forward, not forgetting and keeping him close to my heart, but healing as before and finding solace, as always, in Eilistraee.

    I have always kept up with my worship but am now more focused, without the distractions of an impulsive fiancée, on my true faith, the maintenance of my blade and pretty much ensuring that people would not kill me on sight if I still had my skin. I believe I am doing well in these areas, bringing much satisfaction to myself, as I hope my goddess.


  • I never realized how long I have waited for this moment until the moment happend.

    I don't know if I took it for granted or just got used to the idea, but I suppose I became complacent in our little "in-between" life we had. We were together, we were relatively happy, who cared what happened in our future so long as these truths remained consistant?

    With Dryden, I shared the elven bonding with him, but we never had a ceremony, he never asked me about it, we were just together long enough that one day it was just decided, it just became so. Dryden was a wild elf, and so I learned to love the earth and woods and more practical things in life that mattered. The things he gave me were words, experiences and small tokens. I learned to treasure each of these things as they were given to me.

    Elith and I never really got to that point, we almost did, but he was lost to me before we could ever bond or anything like that, the only thing I had left was his heart of valour and the pressed forget-me-nots he gave to me while trying to win my heart.

    And Clay, of course. He is so much more real, so much more solid. I can rely on him, trust him, know he will ever and always be there with me and for me. The other day we had a frighteningly near death experience in the Kua Toa caves, a smart rogue would attack and run, tricking me at first into following him, against Clays cries for me to do otherwise. I stopped of course once he went back into the more dangerous areas, I was not a complete fool ,but it was a tad reckless. Clay was nearly beside himself and I immediatly felt horrible. How would I have felt in his shoes? Probably the same, maybe worse. After the caves we reconciled and sold a few things in pelt, building our savings for a someday wedding. That was when Clay asked to have a large chunk from our savings and reluctantly I gave it to him. He said it was something for me, and that it was important and so all the way back to norwick and our small encampent by the falls, I guessed what it was and never once got it correct until he confessed his love, and got down on one knee.

    As a teenager and child, I was fortunate enough to be spoiled by my mother and father for as long as I could remember and always enjoyed the finer things life had to offer despite the color of my skin. In our tiny aristocratic world I was amazingly accepted. But after the plauge, I had to be more down-to-earth. My demands became requests which became suggestions which became wishes. I learned to care less and less for the material, and more and more for the spiritual so that only a few wordly vanities were ever important to me, and even then they were no longer at the top of my list.

    Out of all these experiences and people and things I have recieved, none have been so beautiful as the shining golden ring Clay slipped on my finger that day. Looking at it even now makes me smile and fills me with warmth, I have really never been so happy and so content in my entire life.


  • Recently I have been honing my skills against the local Gnolls, I often go by myself and pick them off one by one but I feel my sword getting more and more skillful, always finding new ways to utilize my skills to the best of my ability. Of course I did once go with Havon, and that was a very close call, we escaped narrowly, but relatively unscathed. He is a good fighting partner.

    Clay was not pleased when I told him of my recent adventuring, he likes to ever be at my side and the thought of losing me shakes him to his core. He told me he would be a sad and broken man if I was ever lost to him, melting my heart within my chest. He never fails to make me warm when is near, and never fails to let me know the extent of his love for me.

    After we made love the other night, we got on the subject of family and children, it was difficult, as I still weep for Deirdre and started to when we spoke of being a family, a mother and a father. He told me that he would never let what happened to Deirdre happen to our children, that he would go to the Abyss and the nine hells to get them and would make Lovitar envious of the pain he would cause to the person who took them away from us. My heart swelled with love for him, even if it's not true, even if he couldn't…I don't care, because I know he would do it or die trying and that is the man I fell in love with, and there is no one who can take his place.


  • It's been some time since I've taken the time to put pen to paper in this leather-bound journal of mine, but I feel that now I need to reassure myself of a few things so that my mind does not grow dull and lax, and forget what's happened, even though I revisit my memories in my dreams.

    Lately I feel closer to Clay than I ever have before, maybe it is because we no longer worry about the newness of our togetherness, maybe it's because now we are no longer new to each other and feel our love vibrate in our very veins whether we are together or apart, though we feel little desire to be apart, even infrequently. The Drow, of course, my bitter lineage, have not ceased to plague him with whispers of course, but he has found a way to live with it, getting more and more used to their threats, idle or otherwise.

    I cannot help but feel a profound sense of guilt at this. It is not solely because I'm a follower of the Dark Maiden, but because of my Drow Father, Daithanus, that this has happened to Clay. I'm suremy now dead father had some ties to whoever the matron of this house is, perhaps he served under her. And if this matron has found a connection to me through my one and only love, not to mention the entire house of hers must be stopped. I'm certain she has plans, and is using Clay to get to me, it is the way of Drow to do such. I try my best to sooth him, comfort him and take as much of the burden off of him as possible, but it is difficult with something of this nature. I wished they had cut my ear, were tormenting me. It's something I've done, been through before. I would give anything to spare him this burden, this pain, this plague.

    I'm attempting to formulate a plan, some way of destroying his old ear to sever the link. But to slip into the Underdark undetected and destroy a key item of the matron of a house is nigh impossible. If I could find out what position she is in, what number her house is, perhaps I could find a way for the houses to destroy one another…Much of this of course is all speculation. But I will not sit idly by while an evil creature tries to slowly chip away at the mind of the one I love more than anything in this or any other world.


  • The Abyss, Clays fight with Hammer, a capture by Drow, an old lover's return. It seems that no matter happens to and around us our love only gets stronger.

    In the way of good news, Rary was overly kind and provided the money needed to pay off our debt without asking much in return at all. "Take care of my elves" he said. Whatever that means I cannot say, though when I see an injured elf I take special care to heal them more tenderly.

    Today I awoke in the forest to find that Clay had been out picking wildflowers for me, and left a note with Jameson, who watches over me when my love is not around.

    He wrote of his udying affection for me, and let me know that our love was as solid as stone.

    This was a particular comfort to me, as Elith has recently returned to Norwick and admitted that while he has no true memory of us together his feelings for me remain unchanged. He still loves me and still has a strong urdge to protect me, to keep me from harm.

    It was so….difficult to see him again. Of course I still have love for him, care for him, wish him health and happiness...but Clay is who my heart belongs to, will always belong to and it is a thing I cannot, nor want to, change. Clay has become ever more responsive to my wild moods, my little breakdowns and instead of getting frusterated with my reaction to Elith, he comforted me, held me and told me that our bond was strong, no one could break it. He allowed me time alone to speak in confidence with Elith which did not go as well as it could have, but went better than I expected.

    I DO wish Elith love and happiness, it's what I've found again. But it seems he is unable to process the situation at hand and is having trouble to accept that I have found another. This could cause problems for Clay, who would like a monopoly on protecting me; I fear a larger conflict in the future, if Elith is unable to truely move on, or accept, or be happy with the status quo.

    I will still be here for him, be his friend and support, should he need me, but I will not be his lover again.


  • The other day Clay told me he was 7,000 gold peices in debt to the Banite Quelcoth. Something about a belt that helped him not die. He originally owed 8,000. The deal was that he could pay the belt back in full (2,000) within the first year or become his slave, or have an unlimited amount of time to pay off four times the price. Of course Clay took the latter end of the deal, knowing full well he couldn't get the money together in a year, as he just…doesn't deal with money very much. Gets everything he needs from the woods.

    So that was evidenced yesterday after a successful romp with the Gnolls with Lycka (it was good to see her again), Garviel, Squeek, Diadne, Cyrian, Eihnrich and of course Clay. That Clay has no idea how to handle money. Buying a few items in the market square in Pelt and then going to Vanity plates, I had a little black number dyed pink which was about 150 gold. I looked over and Clay had spent his coin in it's entireity.

    After that it seems that he agreed to let me handle the gold. Thankfully. His heart was set on a jacket that was a lovely shade of blue and I gave him the coin for it, he deserves to be pampered at least a little bit, he never does anything only for himself like that.

    Aftewards we went to the bathhouse and held hands, talking about how much we love each other. I'm so content right now.

    I'm so, so very happy.


  • My Death

    I don't remember too much of who was there, so I'll try to recall who I can: Father Ty, Thomas, Korlis, Garviel, Brendel, Lea, Vash, Dash.

    We were all in Pelt for one reason or another and conveniently gathered in the center of town gabbing about this and that when a distressed and bloodied Hin ran up to us calling for help. Father Ty and I managed to show a little kindness and concern for him and he told (with others overhearing) that his caravan had been attacked by evil rangers or some such. Ty and I were about to go but everyone else wanted money, so the poor thing said he would give them whatever was left if they could just help. That made Ty and me glance at each other and shake our heads, but at anyrate, we were off with Dash in the lead, searching for tracks and leading us straight to where the carnage had taken place.

    Naked Hin full of arrows were strewn about the landscape and I felt my eyes prickle. It's amazing that through everything I've been through I still manage to regain my sensitivity and not become hard and unfeeling like I used to be…

    We all followed the trail and were immediately attacked by said rangers, and though only one or two was a challenge, we still chose to go deeper. In retrospect we should have stopped, regrouped and figured out a plan because what happened next was chaos....

    So many of us fell and were raised by Ty, healed by Garivel, why didn't we stop!? Barrage after barrage of assailant and wild animal came towards us, damaging us. At once i was swarmed and I was stabbed and shot at so mightily that I couldn't even move. They captured me then and after a moment Vash joined me.

    A female (the leader??) wondered how valuable we were. I said “not very” hoping like a fish she would throw us back, but she raised her poisoned arrow to me, a bored look on her face “Then I guess we can kill you.” I backpedaled and tried to negotiate for my life, and Vashs as well when all hells broke loose and they loosed their arrows on us, before we could even make a move.

    It was surreal as always this time I remember everything...

    The In-between was beautiful and frightening and Vash was there. While I was there I could hear echoes of Clayton, I knew something was wrong with him and tried to take my mind off of it by getting to know Vash, hoping that our group was taking care of us and on their way to reviving us. Still I could hear his echoes in my head, and when I was brought back, I was furious. I admit I snapped at a few who didn’t deserve it, but neither did they understand that we needlessly died due to their lack of planning. Most of all I was mad because Lea and Clayton were deeply distraught by it, Clayton even feeling my death because of the rings….my poor love.

    In anycase I believe I somehow insulted Brendel, and later apologized for my actions. He seemed to understand but sometimes I don’t know about him… So, once I was revived, so was Clay and as I got stronger, so did he; in the end all was well but he still to this day blames himself for “Letting me down” and “not being there” for me. He puts too much on his shoulders I fear, but then again a glance into a looking glass will tell me the same.

    I do not ever want to do that to him again.

    His Death

    It…was the worst feeling in the world, to watch him fall…

    Again, nothing about our deaths were intentional, but were the result of others or our own poor decisions, and I fear his passing might have been one of my mistakes.

    Del the Mighty (as I like to call him) Hammer, Clay and I decided to finally go hunt some Gnolls, it seems that every time we attempt to do this something stops us, gets in our way, and this time there was no exception. As we were making our way northward we heard a man scream, as if he were being slain. Clay heard it first, and we were off to aid whoever might have been attacked.

    We came upon a Childe of Hoar. Before then I had never engaged one in combat and didn’t know truly how brutal they could be. Poor Del was struck down early on, and I put away my bow and brought out my sword. I always feel better with the blade in my hand, even if it isn’t the most wise of decisions, it’s what I’m best at and so I charged. He certainly decided to make short work of me and I thought for sure I would take another trip to the In-between when Clay leaped out of nowhere and put himself between me and the Warrior. He told me to run but it’s not my way, and he knows I would never ever leave his side. We proceeded to flank him and did a pretty good job of almost avenging Del…

    Time stopped, slowed down. All I could hear was my breathing and the thundering of my own heart in my ears. I was looking at the Warrior, then glanced to Clay and met his eyes. Something wasn’t right. I looked down and saw his blood on the mans sword. Somewhere in there Hammer finished him off. Somewhere in there Clay said something to me. Somewhere in there I screamed his name. Somewhere in there I died with him and then it came rushing back.

    I can’t remember how many times I said the word “No” and how long I held his lifeless form in my lap, wanting to die. It was then that the physical pain started to set in. Hammer lifted his body. Most of it was a blur but we went to the Legion house, I think he thought there might be a healer there, but no luck. So we took Del and Clay to Norwick, Hammer offered to Carry clay to Norwick and I lost my mind, yelling at him, so I took him. Sobbing the whole way, it was the hardest thing I’ve had to do since Dryden died at the hands of my Father.

    Once there I couldn’t move any longer and collapsed next to him, the tears never stopped flowing, you think they will but they don’t. I combed his hair with my fingers, it was dirty. I thought I needed to wash it soon, and started to feel myself slip away when suddenly life sprang into him and he was there. It was the happiest I’ve ever been to see him and though I could barely, I struggled to my feet and fell on him, weeping.

    We got in some stupid tiff about something stupid for a moment but that was soon over.

    Not long after that Cara returned. Wonders will never cease…

    The Hunt

    Ter'ynian returned to me, it was time for the hunt, just as she predicted, the full moon above our heads.

    Clay, of course, was the one I chose to be with me and she instructed us to be prepared. I started to strip and Clay asked why, I told him that the hunt was in the nude, nothing but a weapon and your wits. After we had disrobed, she transported us to a cold place, I do not know where, covered in snow and quiet trees.

    We stalked our unknown pray, looking for tracks, a clue, a broken branch, anything. Soon Clay stopped and held his arm out, gesturing "There it is…" he breathed. Ahead of us was a massive white bear who seemed at home in the cold, peacefully unaware that it, a large predator, was being stalked by two naked pink people of elven decent. Clay let me have the first shot.

    It sang through the air and hit the large white creature who roared in anger. After that it gave chase, we shot, ran, shot ran. This repeated until we put him to rest. It was exhilaration and frightening and a little bit sad. I don't like killing animals, even if they attack because most are just purely innocent, protecting is in their nature. Clay slit his throat to give him a quick and painless death. We said prayers and Ter'ynian returned, granting me the most amazing gift of armor I've ever seen. Light and flexible, yet harder than anything I've ever seen. I can still dance in it, it hugs every curve and valley, as if it was made just for me. Our rings have also become more potent, and the bond we share is tighter than ever.

    I still have yet to see what the armor and ring can do in action...

    The Future

    The other day I showed Clay my wedding dress. It was something I had wanted to do for some time to broach the subject of getting married. I had bought it some time ago….probably for when Elith and I were getting serious, and never wore it. But now I realize that it was for him.

    I think he likes it.


  • The writing is slanted, hurried.

    So many incredible things have happened to me in these past couple days I could not be more euphoric or elated or extatic!

    I must relay everything from the beginning or else this journal will be a jumble like my thoughts…

    The day started with me showing Caelisar my new pink outfit for that much needed money that was collected from the Ettins the other day. I think he liked it so I suppose that was a plus. Afterward Clay and I met with Lea, who gave him some money for an adventure they had had earlier. I let her know that I met her mother and thought that she was an absolutely wonderful woman. Lea suggested that Thorn, Clay, she and I should all share some time together or a meal and we accepted that invitation. I hope we get together soon, I do so enjoy their company. Afterward, we decided to go hunt some Hobbers southwards.

    Everything started out smooth enough but soon they were on top of us, swarming around us...though we managed to hold them back we went through many potions and spells of healing, and after we pressed on, it just became too much..

    A caster struck me with a red bolt and my legs became heavy, that I could not run but only amble away, it was agony. In the meantime, Clay nearly lost his life protecting me while I escaped. After we escaped I held him and forced him to rest...seeing him like that makes my heart ache, I couldn't bear to lose him, especially after what came later that next night...

    After we drug ourselves back to Norwick, Clay went off to buy more potions while I took a much needed rest for a second time. Soon enough Bow and Thorn came trudging back from an escapade, Thorn looking worse for wear. Bow informed me that they had lost...Vash't is it? I don't know if I have met him, but he fell and was resurrected. Thorn went up to the cliff to stare into nothingness. His heart is so tender, he hates not being able to help. The fear had gripped him like an icey fist and he had to flee the scene, he was ashamed of this. I informed him that fear was what kept us alive, it was good for those we loved, we stay alive for Clay, for Lea, for any family we have. Friends we share. This seemed to help and I gave him a hug.

    Walking down it seemed that many around the campfire were talking about me or something...I don't really know what they were saying but I don't think it was anything too terribly bad. It appeared to be Squeak, Iain a new person whose name began with a "z" and other new person, a ranger who also introduced himself but whose name, for the life of me, escapes me at this moment. If I see him I will remember. At any rate, I was about to join Bow and a few others for a fun romp with baddies when I heard Clay calling to me...

    I followed his voice until I reached a small clearing by the woods south of the South Gate and there was a dark elf. She was a female named Ter'ynian, the sister of the dark elf who bestowed my blade upon me, and asked me about Eilistraee, what she stood for, what she meant...I answered all questions about the hunt, about dancing and the blade and about love. She smiled when I mentioned that I, myself, was currently in love.

    I was gifted with two rings, one for myself and one to give to someone I would love forever and always, an unbreakable bond, this person I would bring on the hunt with me, which was to be soon. Ter'ynian regretted that she had to leave and mentioned that we should dance together sometime in the moon. I was nearly speechless with joy and agreed. She left with words that the hunt was to be soon, and I could bring the person I gave the ring to...Of course I immediately knew it was Clay.

    Despite how fast things are going, I know him to be true to me, to love me the way I love him and to never fail me. When Ter'ynian left I rushed back to camp, in a blissful daze. I was not ignored, but being watched by friendly eyes. This revitalized my faith and convictions, blessed Eilistraee, thank you. As soon as I saw Clay, I began to spill the events excitedly, Bow and Caelisar watched me, amused at my antics.

    I wanted to give him the ring in the same place we felt the spark and saw the white stag, and so after a bit we got there, and I gave him the ring...

    What followed was a heartfelt confession on both of our sides, that I don't even want to write here, for fear someone may get ahold of this journal. They are deep, dark confessions, secrets and ment to stay that way...Ty was the only other person who knows my secret here and now Clay. I have a feeling I am the only one Clay has told his secret to. We both cried when we spoke, but it felt good I think it made us stronger to know such things about the other. I want to spend eternity with him. We told each other we would always love the other, and that the past would not change that. Afterward we slept by the waterfall, in each others arms.

    I awoke this morning to find that Clay had cooked me breakfast and left a sweet note. I will eat it before it gets cold, and then bathe. Sleeping out here gets dirty!

    ~Donnie


  • I don't know what's happend, it seems that chaos is always amended by further chaos. It turns out, and I heard from many, that Dwin cut the hand off of Brendel for some disagreement or another and then went ranting about how he was or is the law or something.

    Though I frequent Norwick, this makes me glad I am a citizen of Pelt.

    Has his brain gone to Rot? Is their madness within his head? This incident, as I'm sure many others have noted, is strange, unusual…almost out of character for Dwin, or is it his true character? In anycase, rumblings of a forced re-election are passing the lips at those at campfires and can be heard in rumblings in bars.

    I had the pleasure of meeting Brendel a couple of times, though militant, he seemed like he had a good enough heart and I should like to get to know him better. It just makes the actions against him more unbelievable and as expected, has most in an uproar.

    Another person who I had the pleasure of meeting with was Clay's mother. A charming, hard-working lady working in the kitchens of the Dancing Mermaid named Raina Grayfeather. I like to think we hit it off, having something we love in common, and talking about the refugees from Norwick. She took care of them when they arrived and I felt warmed to know they had such a nice lady looking after them. I should like to meet with her again over a meal and let her know more about me.

    After that we went shopping and I purchased a new outfit, a soft pink leather number that Clay quite likes. I think he finds it hard to keep his hands off me whenever I wear it....I'm not complaining! I will have to say that he has been the most attentive and adventerous lover since Elith, with twice the size...he is half elven after all and I have only been used to smaller male elves, Dryden, Elith, Ayndur… all elves! So this is a completely new and wonderful experience for me as a female.

    As far as any adventures, I've been to the Ettins twice yet, both times with Cealisar bossing everyone around...though I know it comes from a good place it can still be tiresome. He is very strategy oriented, which can be a good thing but now I laught and think that I know what Clay was grumbling about so much the first time! I shall see him soon and show him my new outfit in exchange for the coin he owes me, a playful contract between friends made amoung jokes. Vander and Arandor went with us, I had not meet Arandor before but knew of him some time ago. He was a very nice man, I should like to get to know him better.

    Along the way, I noticed the make of Vanders armor and sheild and commented, he thanked me and mentioned that he had recieved it in the battle against the Dracolitch, and that it was repellent against fire, a very useful tool to have in these strange times.

    When the search through the Ettins was over we came across Nicahh, a lovely lady with beautiful hair and a stunning red outfit. She was friends with Arandor from long ago, and I recognized her vaguely, but introduced myself to her. Quite nice! Perhaps I will make a friend with her. I do wish I had more time around more females, I miss the interaction that only ladies share.

    Well, It's off to meet my love, Clay, again at the south gates...I have on that outfit he likes...

    ~Dondiah


  • I've purchased this journal to record my thoughts and actions…It's better than writing to my kidnapped child, and a lot less difficult for me in the meantime~

    You know I thought I had a friend in Cara, I really did...in fact I still hope too, but lately it has been difficult. She makes a few comments here and there, some obviously trying to embarass me, and shoots looks to me that can only spell one thing: jealousy.

    I had no plans to fall for Clay, to steal him from anyone or anything and I had no plans to hurt other people in the process but well, appearantly that happened despite my intentions. Should I have seen it sooner? How would I have been able to tell that other women harbored feelings for him?

    In retrospect though, it should have been obvious, he is tall, handsome and strong. Despite the attitude that others may see in him from the moment I met him I only saw humor, kindness and tenderness in his actions towards me.

    I had to explain to Cealisar the other day that he is used to being alone and would talk to him about his group interaction. Caelisar, who appearantly was (...is?) interested in me has the idea that Clay is a wild card, is rude had has disregard for others. I informed him that not ALL of that was...completely true...we'll have to sit down and talk about it, Clay and I.

    Other than THAT the battle with the Dracolich is finally over, and more capable people than I have laid the threat in the south to rest. I was afraid, because I didn't get to say my fairwells to my friends but it turns out that I didn't need to and for that I am greatful.

    I decided to do my part by escorting the townsfolk of Norwick to Peltarch. Brendel was the lead in the expedition and Clay was second in command. Though there was an almost casualty, we banded together to provide protection and support for each man, woman and child on the journey and eventually made it without anymore harm.

    The one thing that irritated me was how their Leader, Eric...a lumberjack, was behaving! Grim faced and mopey for what? HE wasn't fighting a Dragon, he was getting to safety! And most of all MOST of all, he had all of Norwick looking to him to lead them out with these adventurers and he was acting like death had already come! I attempted to have a talk with him about ACTING LIKE A FARKIN' MAN but it did little good.

    Now I'm all irritated!

    This energy is best used for other things....I'm going to find Clay.

    ~Dondiah