Cike's Days Off
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October 23ed
Guilt started to eat at his mind again. But there was a new light. Shining away the darkness. The words of Vine and Amalia cut through and began to battle his thoughts. The doubt and guild dissapated. Amalia was right he could not let his mind control his actions, nor let it hold back his love for Sil.
He rose and dusted his pants off. He made the long quiet journey to Peltarch. Sil had not been in Jiyyd in so long and he had been told she was in Peltarch. He rapped lightly on the doors to the bardic college and inquired within where his beloved was.
He was lead to her chambers but found her not there. Confused Cike surveyed the room a bit. Piles and stacks of paper lay everywhere some crumpled in the corner others haphazardly writen on. He smiled warmly this time from the heart. Sil was moving forward and his thoughts of guilt, his need for her comfort would only bring her down.
"She needs this not," He thought to himself as he replaced a heavy tome on her bed. Assured Cike knew he had to work hard as well. Amalia's words rung in his head once more and he knew he had to hunt to become a man Sil could depend on. He did not know when it happened but it did. Sil had become his light and from that he depended on her too much. She could not support his demons, he must do that himself.
The thought of Sil Possessed by a Demon struck his mind harshly, a burning elven encampment and the contorted face of his lover in fury. His head throbed then and the sound logic of his brother Vine resounded in his head. He would not have been able to stop the Demon from taking Sil, and more would her pain be if he had died at her hands. Cike inhaled and calmly shut the door. The darkness had passed.
He left the stone cold walls of Peltarch and strung his bow carefully.
-
October 14th
He gazed into the pool. It was early morning and the fresh dew collected there was like a perfect mirror. Kell watched on curiously as her companion contorted his face.
Smile.
Sil was starting to worry. He had let the darkness reflect too much. He had to practice once again. He imagined something nice said and then smiled weakly into the pool. It was good enough but he saw flaws. Even Vine would be able to tell something was wrong. He tried again this time imagining Sil kissing him.
He smiled warmly and from the soul this time. And then the guilt took hold again. He couldn't use that, it hurt too much. He sighed and looked into the pool once more to gaze at the pathetic human before him. Dark bags under his eyes with lines of worry etched into his brow. White hair hung loosely underneath the hood.
He practiced again his mask, pushing aside the guilt. Let it eat his insides let it prod his mind, no one must know. He smiled into the pool until he was satisfied, and then turned to Kell. She raised her head and cocked her head to the side in bewilderment. He smiled warmly at the excitable wolf and she barked happily. He nodded and rose from the shallow pool, Kell already making her way back to the Den.
He took one last look at the haggard face in the pool then stomped on it water splashing everywhere. Pulling his hood lower he followed after Kell. The sun broke through the clouds but it did nothing to warm him.
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October 13th
He couldn't understand. He checked again to see if he was reading the tracks again and there was no mistake. He followed the wolf prints in the snow despite the cold wind. It was too obvious, as if she wasn't trying to hide her tracks.
Pulling his hood lower he checked again. A snapped branch here and another print there: still heading north. He shivered as another gust pounded into him. He gritted his teeth and began to regret choosing this day.
He knew he was forgetting something, he knew he was weaker. That was to be expected when one returned. He had to know how much and pressed on. She could not be further ahead. The trees grew sparser and he could see the rise of small snow covered hills around him. He paused a moment to gather his bearings. Closer and closer to Peltarch. He was not fond of the stone City and thought she would not enjoy it as well, why did she thus?
He repeated his question over and over to keep the cold from his mind. The tracks split, suddenly and he bent down to examine each set. She was clever but could not completely hide the extra snow moved when back tracking her own steps. He quickly picked up his pace and followed her correct trail. This must have set her back some time which meant he had a chance to catch up. The hill rose quickly beside him to the left as he followed the tracks. Concentrating ahead he could almost smell her in the wind, she was not far ahead.
He stopped. Baffled.
The tracks just ended. He looked about confused. He glanced up, the hill was too steep to climb, and the trees around him could not hide her. There was a small hole by the side of the hill but it could not be home to more than a badger. He scratched his head in bewilderment and leaned against the rock face of the hill. She had truly stumped him.
Warm. At first he thought it was a heavy clump of snow but then he felt it bled into his hood and warm his head. He reached up to touch the oozy drool in bewilderment, before looking up as a glob fell onto his face warming the numbness away. He wiped at it quickly grating his teeth and peered up again as Kell panted happily drooling on him from the top of the rock face.
He barely had time to utter a how before she leapt from the top landing squarely on him winding him as the wind howled from above. After pushing the heavy wolf from atop him Kell led him to where her tracks split a third time. He did not realize she had backtracked twice over to make it more obvious of the false trail, thus making the one she wished him to follow more acceptable and appealing to follow. Her other trail was a good mark from the split, because he concentrated on the obvious split before him he failed to notice the third.
He congratulated Kell ruffling the fur between her ears. Kell had won.
-
October 12
Kell was resting her head in his lap. The Den's fire crackled as he gazed into the glowing embers of the fire, watching them rise up into the night sky. He could feel the drool begin to seep into his pants but he didn't care. Darkness was enshrouding his heart again and squeezing it.
He glared into the fire and tried to push the feelings away. He didn't even hear his brother approach. He barely even registered his question. He shook his head gently. It was too soon. His death was still fresh in his mind.
Sensing his feelings Kell raised her head and whined licking lightly at Cike's face. He smiled his hollow smile to Kell and his brother patting her on her head to calm her. Vine shrugged and made to leave but halted suddenly his back to his brother.
He winced as the words flowed out in harsh elven, and his head began to throb almost in anticipation. He hastily dismissed his brother and tried to calm him. Satisfied or not he left and Cike returned his gaze to the fires. He smiled slightly his brother's concern however harsh as it was rested warmly near his heart as he watched a butterfly wander dangerously close to the flames.
He watched lazily, as a passing fancy crept into his mind diverting the darkness encircling his heart.
Light as air, without a care,
Floating by, in the deep blue sky.A smile crept to his face as a comment rose in his memory. Perhaps he was spending too much time with Sil.
Sil.
That was all it really needed a happy memory of them both, her name, a gift; and it easily crept in and tugged at his mind deviously. Dark, murky, and painful, it swam in his mind and circled his heart.
He felt a pinch at his thigh suddenly and all thought ceased. He looked down into the pleading eyes of Kell as she let out another low whine. He sighed and ruffled the fur between her ears and leaned down to kiss his companion. He leaned back and relaxed trying not to think.
But it was so hard.
-
October 8th
The inn was not familiar to him. None of it was. He scanned his memory but found nothing. Rummaging through the pack they said was his he pulled out the leather bound journal, his only Clue to himself. It was dirt covered and felt as if the weather of the world pounded it relentlessly.
The first pages brought back feelings of ineptitude and hard work. Yes it had taken a long time and still did to write. He read carefully and slowly trying to remember.
"Sil" He read her name out loud and touched the word hesitantly as if it would call her fourth. Warmth touched his heart and tugged harshly on it. He was flooded with the feeling of love, as he read the words inscribed next to her name. It was lovely, amazing, like the warm glowing light of a flame. He didn't want it to end.
But…
But something tugged on his heart as well. He didn't know what it was, he still couldn’t remember what she looked like, a hazy image swam in his head but the more he forced it the more it would blur. Time would show him this light, this love he had for this woman Sil. But something else was there, hiding in the dark recess of his mind. Something was telling him something. Something he shouldn’t forget, something he should feel.
Guilt.
He clutched at his chest and doubled over, as a wave of sadness and anguish came over him. He was confused but felt right. It felt necessary; he felt deserving of this feeling. Burying his face into the bed's pillow he cried out a dull moan, interrupted by sobbing. It burned in his mind, and would refuse to let go. Regret seeped into him to remind him. His head throbbed and for a brief moment he wondered if he really wished for his memories to return. If he was not better off as a clean slate free from this feeling of pain and guilt.
As if answering his plight, as if coming from where ever his mind had slipped during his death, memories started to surface. His past fell before him and he shook upon the bed reliving moment for moment his experiences, his loss, his madness, his love, his death, everything.
He gazed up at the ceiling his mind throbbed with all that he was. It was there, jumbled as it was but that was what the journal was for. He would look at it later read and remember. He was tired and wished to rest but he remembered the Lich, the nightmares, it would be a restless night.
He closed his eyes, a warm tear escaping and tracing a path down his face and resting in his ear. He exhaled deeply in a sigh, "Sil," and let the guilt consume him.
