The Pup's Tale
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Default - 'Count on Me'
_I know that life ain't always good to you.
I've seen exactly what it’s put you through
Thrown you around and turned you upside down and so you
You got to thinking there was no way out
You started sinking and it pulled you down
It may be tough you've to get back up
Because you know that life ain't over yet
I'm here for you so don't forget
You can count on me
Cause’ I will carry you till you
Carry onAnytime you need someone
Somebody strong to lean on
Well you can count on me
To hold you till the healing is done
And every time you fall apart
Well you can hide here in my arms
And you can count on me
To hold you till that feeling is goneI wonder why nobody's waiting on you
I'd like to be the one to pull you through your darkest times
I'd love to be the light that finds you
I see a silver lining on your cloud
I'll pick you up whenever you fall down
Just take my hand and I will help you standBecause you know that life ain't over yet
I'm here for you so don't forget
You can count on me
Cause’ I will carry you till you carry on
Anytime you need someone
Somebody strong to lean on
Well you can count on me to hold you till the healing is done
And every time you fall apart you can hide here in my arms
And you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is
Gone so you can live today
Seems so long to yesterday
Keep on counting on me to carry you till you carry on
Carry onYou know that life ain’t over yet
I’m here for you so don’t forget
You can count on me cause I will carry you till you carry onAnytime you need someone
Somebody strong to lean on
Well you can count on me to hold you till that healing is done
And every time you fall apart
You can hide here in my arms
And you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone
Remember life ain’t over yet
I’m here for you so don’t forget
That you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone
Remember life ain’t over yet
I’m here for you so don’t forget
That you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone_
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Whispered to the wind
_Its been a bad few days. Seems the more I try to be better then I am, the stronger the need to just let it all go gets.
Ever since being 'cured' of the Well, I am sensitive. Sensitive to people..their emotions? their souls? I don't know. But I think lately, I may be close to drowning in their pain. So many of those I see regularly, are hurting.
I feel like some invisible collector. Every time I pass someone by, I see a little bit of them…and it leaves its mark. Sometimes I want to help them, sometimes I want to end them all.
All I know, is that lately, I want to give pain. I want to stand over something, knowing I hold its life in my grasp, and take it. But when I have this need...It can't be clean. There has to be...pain? screaming? something for all my senses.
I'm pent up, near to bursting. I NEED release. I'm just not sure how. A druid was licking my face a few nights ago. She was beautiful enough..such closeness...it was very much all I could do not to just Take what I need. I'm not sure why I didn't.
Jaelle is...confusing. Shes hurting, very much hurting. I want to help, need to help her. But I dont have the words. I am a watcher, I listen, hide behind wit. She makes me angry, sends me where I just have simple choices. Rage, Lust, Hatred, Sadness.
The last time I saw her...by the end of the night I was ready to kill her, the easy route. She came back from god's know where. After a few words, she did the only think really, that could have knocked me from the Bloodlust. She hugged me; I have no idea why...but it took me to a place far removed from rage, still very much an animalistic urging though.
She thinks that maybe, when she did whatever she did to cure me of my badger form, I got a piece of her Soul. Says it would explain the moodiness and Bloodlust. I don't know. I've always been moody...and not so noble when it came to killing. But I had far more restraint.
I'm not even going to bother wondering. I know this: I don't need her, but I want her.
She's planning something, I'm sure its bad. I'm going to be there and see it through, though I have no idea what I'll do, or how it will end._
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_I can remember a time when I had no doubts. Not so very long ago it seems.
They say I am cured now. Of the Well, of Izakiel? But since they were the ones established i was not 'myself' in the first place…how am I too know?? I am too...cautious of summoning the power of the Well to try. That would settle the issue, but what would I do if I still can? What would it mean?
I am fighting my hope. Perhaps, now, I will get to spend some real time with Mia. But then, just because I drank a potion, doesn't mean Izakiel is done with me. Fark.
All this time, Since picking up the taint, I have been deepening my relationships with those I knew, or have met. Save one or two...
I feel at home once again. In Norwick. I find myself reaching out, trying to become even closer with some I meet. Perhaps too much time wondering what horrible thing is waiting to happen to me, has a benefit.
This pirate, Jaelle. I am still confused, but willing to not worry about it. Watching her suffer...but have such spirit at times...brings up something. makes me feel...like a predator, wolfish.
So many new faces, sometimes I feel like a babysitter. Watching over a herd of Cats.
I have found a bit more balance. I work to help those that need it. But I work for myself too. Kicking the Household Soldiers mentality of 'my lord first, me second' I need to keep myself happy in my duties.
I met a druid. I spoke to her of the Wolf. She said it is the way of her people, to bond with an animal by hunting down a deer. With a dagger, and sharing it with the beast.
That seemed to make sense. So One night, as the Wolf once again lay watching me, I went on a hunt. I slew a deer. Only, where I come from, the Alpha eats first. So I did, then I called the Wolf over. Maybe that druid knew what she was talking about.
I watch this Wolf. My shadow. It is old and very scarred. Its ears twitch at every night sound, even when it stares at me, it glances about itself. I look at myself and see the same.
Perhaps that is how you live to be more then a pup._
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_Brendel sat in a small camp of his making. huddled inside a hollow tree, with a small fire, and his bow leaning on the 'wall'.
He had spent the day, the ENTIRE day, trying to calm himself, and get over his bitter disappointment. As he sat, focusing on the morrow, a feeling, made him look out of his hollow. Two golden eyes, reflecting the fire light. The wolf sat far enough away that only its eyes could be seen. Brendel knew it, knew of it he supposed. It appeared sometimes; at his camps, or as he stalked the rawlins. It seemed shy, or reluctant. Having gotten nowhere talking of it with his druid friend Theo, he had given up on the subject. Till a recent conversation with Jerrick came to mind._
"Speak to it" _He had said.
Bloody Hells. Feeling a bit silly, Brendel cleared his throat._
"Why are you always watching me brother wolf?" Thinking quickly that asking a wolf a question, to start a conversation was probably not the best route to take…
"Well, where to begin. clucks his tongue slightly settling back At the start of the month. We were visited by Izakiel. I think he was unhappy I wasn't a badger anymore. watches the wolf eyes knowing that the beast was switching to a more comfortable position too
I'm sure he can have plenty to complain about, Badgers make great spies. According to him, the real 'fun' starts at the end of this month though. Whatever he has in mind, I think may not sit so well with me.
Back before I was incarcerated, I was spending a lot of time with Mia. smiles slightly feeding the flames a bit My sudden disappearance bothered her, she missed me! …honestly glancing at the Wolf I missed her too. grins I would hate to have whatever Izakiel has in mind to seperate us again. sighs
Of course, the reason for my foul mood earlier...I bet you noticed didn't you? looks back to flames I was given the chance to take my first test as a Wolf. face darkens slightly I failed. It took me some time to work it out. I was looking at it too much as a chance to show off....and not as if it was a mission. nods to himself If I had approached it the same way I would approach an assignment, or even a patrol; I'm sure things would have been much different. sighs again fidgeting slightly Of course, Jerrick said he failed the first time. Said a wee Goblin spotted him. That didn't really make me feel any better. He says I will get the chance again. Maybe soon.
On the more positive side...he showed me how to tap into "nature magic" or another gift. I was obviously...skeptical. I'm not sure I want any more 'gifts' of power. glances to Wolf But it felt right. natural? chuckles not like using the Well. shudders slightly Now I just need practice. Lots of practice.
I gave a part of my Soul away not long ago. eyes look off past the hollows around him
A woman fell. One I would not shed any tears for, hearing she died. However, she died in the Keep of the Fallen. A spirit laid claim to her Soul. ...with my...experiences; and the Touch of the Well absently touches the side of his head I couldn't bear the thought of anyone being trapped in that place, when the ability to free them was at hand.
So I did it. It...messed me up. I almost lost myself in that badger form. It wasn't until I returned to this form that I got myself back. That's another thing looks at the wolf I can't understand....that woman, Jaelle, told a story. About making a deal for ME! She doesn't know me! Why would someone do that? shakes head I need to think on that some more.
In a roundabout way, Jerrick and I spoke of you...trails off as he notices the wolf is gone
Brendel settles more comfortably. Spending the next few days in meditation, and quiet use of his senses. Trying to improve himself.
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Brendel paced feverishly back and forth. The cell seemed made for pacing, as it was longer then it was wide. Absently he wondered how long it would take to wear a telling groove into the rock. He stopped for a moment when he realized that as an Elf, he could live long enough to do it.
Taking another swig of wine, he resumed pacing. He had not eaten in awhile now, and was sure he wouldn't anytime soon. Food of course was available, everyone saw to it. Even the Grey Goshawk perched just outside his cage was seemingly leaving morsels for him.
Brendel had been locked up too long. A massive pain in his head was building. He had access to distractions of course; artists tools, an occasional swim. But all in this cave, and all over so very quickly. Even the regular visitors couldn't change things. He was locked up. With himself.
The problem was, Brendel didn't really like himself too much. At least outside, distractions could be found anytime. Any little thing to focus on, to leave his thoughts behind. Not here though. A few times in the last weeks, he had escaped himself by slipping into madness. He found it very freeing.
The last time though, he had come to himself moments away from summoning the strength needed to break through his cell doors and run free. That was too sobering a possibility. He had stopped eating then, willing himself to weakness. Hunger turned his thoughts to his stomach and pains for awhile. But no longer.
Step, step, step…one foot in front of the other. Thoughts on nothing, eyes to the floor...thoughts of nothing....a pair of feet standing in his path...too much nothing...his own feet blocking his path
Looking up, the pain in his head making him queasy. Staring into his own eyes, though the opposite pair containing dark laughter. Glancing away, seeing the cage door. He could still do it. Could still break out of here…escape himself.
There is a reason to this though. A purpose. I must stay here. not for my safety, for theirs…Glancing once more to himself, hating the cocky grin, pain throbbed from his skull
There is always an out, always another option! Lessons learned, he glanced over his shoulder a solid black rectangle,a door, a way out.
Madness, the perfect escape, the only other option. Shooting his opposite the cocky grin right back, he steeped into the doorway. The pain broke over him like a wave, washing through his body, dragging with it every kind of emotion imaginable, scents, thoughts, memories, feelings, taste. Then it stopped cold.
What?….NO!
He was standing in a wasteland. Thigh deep ash, slate gray sky. This was it then. It seemed even madness was only ever a temporary reprieve. This was what he avoided, ran from, sought out any distraction.
Below the surface of the ash as he moved, he could feel memories buried. He had put them there. Men he had killed, moments, things that had brought joy. He had buried them all. Lest lingering on any one moment summoned the others.
Angrily his right fist clenched and unclenched.
There is too much pain! No balance can be had here! So much blood shed… He could feel it slosh under foot, under the memories and ash. An ugly, slick feeling. His very Soul rebelled against it.
Sickened he stopped moving, unable to pursue this any farther. Even here, he could be defiant. Trying to will everything away.
Is this it? Is this how people just fade into death? Unwilling to carry the weight of their deeds any longer, they just…let go?
Something bumped his leg. Looking down, as he fades, he sees a memory.
_A proud Elf, standing on a bearskin rug. A massive stone desk in front of him, with a hulking beast of a man behind it. Devlin. Brendel holding his head high, swearing out his Oath to Serve. An oath that binds him still, even after leaving his redcloak in that office years ago.
Another time, another oath, standing in a green depression. A circle of stones below, a circle of trees above. One tree, ethereal almost. Another beast of a man, but a different sort, Jerrick. This oath, just putting voice to a path he had already chosen to follow. But he gained a family as well, a different sort of responsibility._
Looking up, he sees his opposite once more. Dressed in simple clothing, the clothing of a woodsman. Standing, patient. Manacles of silver and gold bind him, the key around his neck. Oaths. Willingly taken, and faithfully served.
Brendel looks down on himself, his dark leathers covered in ash, hands stained in blood. He could feel sickness, this was his choice. To exist in this wasteland. Residing in this nothing, no guilt, no joy, just existence.
What choice is this? giving up everything, for nothing?
It was so easy though, not freedom really, but no burden either. It was costing him. So easy in this state to turn away from promises, people, oaths. Somewhere, somehow, he knew how wrong this nothing was. Deeply ingrained somewhere, buried deep, was his whole self.
He had died, but had come back…his true self answering the summons, to come back to this, from beyond.
But not for this! For life! For Duty!
Pain surged through him once more, the waves of it crashing into him. this was it then. One last choice, to go on, or too let it all go.
He lay curled on the stone floor, clutching his head crying out in pain. Slowly he forced himself to move, fighting the tides of pain, he pushed through the Ash, desperation flinging his arms around his opposite. He could feel the lifeforce of the woodsman. Almost hear his heartbeat, his own heartbeat.
Pushing himself to the mat on the cell floor, Brendel curls up on it. tears flowing unchecked down his face. So much pain, darkness. but he could balance it. He had all the time in the world.
