"Marked.
Experiences leave their mark, bangs and bruises from the impact of the events that shape our lives. Some cause but a light bump, healing seamlessly, others cut to the bone, leaving you forever altered in their wake.
The analogy, on second thought, is perhaps faulty for likening experience to injury when in fact it also enriches us - but I can't help but think back to Ragnhild and the scars she wore so proudly, shimmering, jagged lines criss-crossing her skin.
A childhood memory, though I cannot say whether it's my own or a story told and retold, swims up to my mind's eye: Siri on Ragnhild's one leg, me on the other, nagging for stories.
'This one…' My chubby pink finger pokes the large diagonal scar across my grandmother's muscular thigh. I frown, bite my lip before asking. 'What hurt you?'
Ragnhild looks down, that wolfish wild grin turned soft and warm.
'Hurt is just of moment, little wolf. Scar is not mark of pain, is there to remind of victory, of life and learn, of honour and strength - both mine and those who fight me. You see scars and think oww, poor Ragnhild? I see scars and think hah! I fight worthy foe and live to tell tale!
That one, frost giant. Big one, chase tribesman when we both new and green, almost kill him - but I get in way, put spear in giant's foot! And then... then he KILL ME!'
Gasps from Siri and me, eyes round with horror, but Ragnhild just grins, bouncing my sister and me on those strong legs until we giggle.
'I see not pain or death when I look at scar - I see tribesman, living, I see Glognar and barrel of ale after. Is when we first become friends, and for this scar, they make me honourary dwarf in giant fighting group!
All these things, I see in scar. And that's why is beautiful.'
Ragnhild wore all her scars with pride, displayed for the world to see. My mother, I think, carries all of her scars on the inside. I wonder what hurt she harbours there, which regrets? Her eyes are so heavy and so distant at times, yet even I can catch but a glimpse of that secret sorrowful Lycka that she hides from the world.
Dad is more obviously marked, with his one black eye, his limp and his darkened scars, inside and out. He's easier to comfort, and be comforted by, perhaps because he's not afraid to acknowledge those things, and never hides behind supposed cheer. Then again, I suppose I was always sort of daddy's girl.
I've chosen to take on a few marks of my own, to honour my heritage - not scars, as I know my parents would struggle to see past whatever put them there. Added to my tribal tattoes, I now wear a pale wolf on my forearm, beautifully outlined against an indigo sky. She looks up to the half-moon and stars above, as though seeking some mystery. The ink holds a secret, magic which can be activated at will. It glows blue and the moon turns full - while the wolf transforms to a werewolf, howling!
The magic courses through me but briefly, yet makes me feel connected to my roots. For a moment, I'm a huntress, stalking through a frozen forest. I'm the howl that calls the pack, calms the panicked pup. Something about the tattoo brings to mind both my grandmother and my father, and I can't help but marvel that a complete stranger at a magic fair could create something so befitting.
I wonder if I'm marked in other, less tangible ways, from the Huntmaster's tale. I have undeniably grown and learnt from the experience; I feel stronger but also just a little harder. I think of Vash't and I wonder if he will love me just the same, when perhaps I am no longer quite the same?
I think of Vash't and the marks he bears himself, so cruelly changed by the past he now has to face. So many knots to untangle that I would rather leave it be, I'd rather he was simply ~here~ than him trying to change a single thing for me.
Someone said I am much like a second chance though, for Vash't. Someone to start over with, someone to make him feel young again, free from everything that went wrong before. In that light, I suppose he really has to deal with any ties that still bind him to that past. I should be patient; I ~will~ be patient, though every day, week and month that pass sees new experience making its mark upon us.
Will we be richer for it, reunite with fresh ardour and a thousand stories to tell - or will we bear such unfamiliar marks that we might as well be strangers to each other?"